Birthday Lunch!

Birthday lunch with Grandma and Grandpa Jensen!!!!!

Sun.Beaches.Sand.Bikinis

I dreamt of beaches last night.  My body needs a beach.  Warm sun, warm water, warm sand to dig my toes into.  The cold in killing my nerves.

Our kiddos gave up a 9 day cruise in October so that Jax would not miss a single football game.  I was pretty much dumbfounded over that act of selflessness.

Yesterday on the way to school, somehow, someone, and I am not even sure who, mentioned a beach, and soon, everyone wanted to go spend time at the ocean....  just relaxing.  I told them I would think about it.  Maybe talk to daddy about it..... see what we could do.  After all..... we deserve a vacation.  We have not really taken one in a long, long time. Our last real vacation was our cruise in October of 2009.  That was amazing.  Those were amazing beaches.  Beaches are vacations to me.  Nothing else constitues vacations to me.  Trips to the Grand Canyon, Disneyland,or anywhere else is not a vacation.  To me....that is work.   Beaches =Vacations!

Of course, I dreamt all night about beaches.  I told Brinkley about it this morning.  She had a huge grin on her face.  Jax chimed in and said we should rent a huge beach house.  Brinkley said...."just for us, no one else.  Don't wait for anyone to think about coming with us!"  I totally agreed!  They started planning and plotting on how and when we could actually do it.  They said we should go to San Diego.  Interesting.............

Daddy, what do you think???????

Now I can't get these babies outta my head........

Which means....... I need to keep hitting my workouts.... since spring break starts in 43 school days!!!

Forgetting...

As of late, I have been doing a ton of forgiving.... and as usual, it is the whole, "forgetting," that becomes the problematic thing for me.  I am a total grudge-master by nature so forgiving in itself is a fate worse than death, but I am mastering it.... it is the forgetting that is the problem now.

Tommy is coming to a complete understanding of the stories I have told him about my past now, as well.

Growing up, I got along with boys.  Not girls.  I hated girl drama and all things related to girl drama.  I hated being dragged into girl drama and never had any problem telling girls where to go, how to get there, or the truth about anything in between.  Anyone who is a girl knows, 99% of girls like things sugar coated, and with me....that stuff just doesn't fly.  I do much better hanging with guys anyways.  I like guy things.  Shooting, working out, talking about sex, joking about sex, laughing about sports, playing sports with the guys...... avoid cooking at all costs.....  I have always, always had more guy friends than girl friends, even now.

Go figure...  life is still filled with ridiculous girl drama. Twenty five years later.

I honestly thought I was getting past this garbage.  After tons of soul searching about past drama and finally just giving up and letting things go I really figured my saying, "it is what it is," was best put into play and our family life went on.  I talked at length with my kiddos about a bunch of stuff and life was great.  We were moving forward at mach 3 and loving life...  and then my phone rang.

Tommy sat speechless when I told him what I had just been accused of.  Worse than what was said, at first, was that it was someone who I really considered to be a family friend.  Someone I allowed into my home, to eat dinner at my table and someone I thought I trusted......  I was speechless.... dumbfounded...... and now...just outright PISSED.

After a long talk with Tommy we came to some of the same conclusions: the accusations could have seriously done irreparable damage to our marriage if Tommy and I didn't have such a strong marriage and Tommy didn't know what kind of wife I am.  And in the end, what was the the craziest and most un-nerving thing was just ......  HOW OUTLANDISH THE ACCUSATIONS WERE!!!!!!!

I really thought I could laugh at this.  Then I realized just how furious I really was.  I had done absolutely nothing but accept a family for who they were, what they believed, what their faults were and what their problems were... and  I was smacked in the face.  So much so that I felt it was necessary to talk to my two oldest children about it, because I worried about their safety.  That was how crazy things had gotten.

In the end, I am struggling to understand where things stand and how things will ever get fixed.  Apologies have been made but a line was seriously crossed and you really can not take things like that back.

So we are stuck were we are stuck.  And really, we are fine with that.  Because we have been honest with our kids about the things that have happened.  We have been honest with our kids about why things have changed and we have been honest with our kids about why some women are so insecure and make such horrible accusations.  We have learned from this and I am sure as I get farther away from the whole situation, it will all get better and one day, we will laugh about it. 

It will take some time, so for now, all I can hope for, is that my kids realize how much mom and dad love each other.  That, and how much working out is an awesome way to relieve stress and get a rocking body in the process!!!!! 

Christmas 2010......

Santa came through...  with one present each this year!  That was the deal I made with the big guy.  My kids were told that they were using, "Santa paid for it so I don't need to take care of it..." excuse a little too much and I needed leverage....and it has worked.

Christmas Eve at Grandma and Grandpa Jensen's

As always, Santa does not disappoint in our house....but this year.....  Mommy and Daddy get credit for everything but the Razor Drifter's and Jax's new bike........  and while Santa came through with flying colors,

I think Mommy and Daddy surprised each of the crumb snatchers, as well!!!

I am sure they were excited to wake up to this spread!!!! 

CRAZY SANTA?  NOPE JUST A MOMMY WHO LOVES CHRISTMAS!

It scares me how fast this little guy mastered the, "drifting!"

There will be no drivers license in his future!!!!

Jax's new Neon for his bedroom!!!!

I finally get to wear my boyfriend's jersey!!!!!    HUGE SURPRISE!!!!

This has become the,  "favorite book,"  in our house!!!!!

A must read for anyone with January babies that are athletes or anyone who likes numbers! 

Jax's new basketball hoop!  This baby has gotten a lot of use already!!!!!

The biggest present of them all...... It was stamped

 "FRAGILE" & "OPEN ME LAST" 

This is typical for giant presents in our house.  Inside were three very small individually wrapped gifts for each little one!! 

Jax & Brinkley got new i POD i-Touches (Brinkley actually asked for an i-Pad and I got a huge laugh out of that one!!!!) and Justice got a Nintendo DSi XL.  I regretted not making the investment into the 3rd i-Touch...  but Justice is just too little .... and having a brother and sister that actually let him play on theirs has been just as good!!!!!

Daddy finally got his very, sought after "45#" rubber bumper plates!!!!!

The new DSi XL..... I am debating putting the internet on this one as well......   

Christmas lasted for 3 days around here.

Family and friends coming over everyday had the littles jumping for joy.

  It was so much fun.    

And we wouldn't have it any other way!!!  

A New "Tude"

Tommy mentioned to one of his co-workers that it is as if he is married to a brand new wife since 2011 started. 


A few of my friends have come out and asked me what my New Year's resolutions were because they see a difference in not just me, but in our family.


My own mom asked me what was really going on... and if something was wrong in my marriage that would cause me to be losing so much weight, to be in such a continuously amazing mood, and to have such a different outlook on everything.

Truth be told..............
*Tommy is still married, or should I say, "stuck" with the crazy wife he married almost 13 years ago.


*I don't believe in resolutions. 
I never have. 
I think they are a cop-out. 
A full-on excuse to accept laziness or bad habits, or worse yet, another excuse to never improve on who you are... so for me, NO resolutions.


*And as far as my mom goes, everything is absolutely and perfectly, "right,"  in my marriage.  Working out has taken one of the top spots on the, "priorities list,"  in my life again, causing the weight loss and my reality outlook on everything, "Jensen," actually took a sharp 180 degree turn for the, "incredible,"  about two weeks before new years. (about the time the crumb-snatchers went on Christmas break)


After a few differences of opinion and a lot of drama here and there.... I had just had enough of the life as we knew it and life as we were living it.........  it was actually, slightly ridiculous.


I thought long and hard about things.  I finally figured out that I was trying to fit into lifestyles that I had absolutely no part in trying to fit into.  I was miserable.  I was going places I really had no business going.... and had no real friends that wanted to do the things with me that I love, but I was doing their things.  No one wanted to workout, which is what I love doing, more than just about anything. I had to break free of the, "oh that is just how they are," attitude and realize that people used me, a lot.    

I was watching what I was doing and saying and just not able to be, "ME," with my personality and what I believe in.  And pretty much, it no longer worked for me because I couldn't get past that feeling that I was not, "ME."  This was not the way I was raised and I surely was not about to let my kids think that this was how we should live our lives or how we are raising them.    

After some serious soul searching and a revamped idea of who we are and what we do in this family, I decided that it was beyond important that my kids realize that they are #1 on our everything in life list and everyone and everything else falls way short now.  I had to realize that what I had growing up, just isn't ever going to happen for my kids and it was time to just let those "dreams" go.  My parents don't even have a desire to be grandparents, let alone the kind of grandparents I had growing up and I have finally come to terms with that.  I had to have a talk about it and truth be told, the truth hurts.  And I am fine with that. 

I won't beg for anyone to go on trips with us anymore...  I think that may have been shocking to them.  I used to love when my grandpa went to The Lake of The Ozarks with us.  My kids won't have those kinds of memories, and after some serious thinking and after long, heart-breaking conversations with Tommy about it...  I am fine with it and I won't be holding any grudges at all.  In the end, it will be sad, but my kids won't suffer for it.  They will know they are our priority, our vacations will happen and when my mom comes up with, why wasn't I invited? well, I will be brutally honest, again.

Next, I decided I am putting me at the top of the list too. 

That has not happened in so many years it felt as if I were lost in some other person's space.  It is not meant to sound conceited or self centered.  It is through trial and error we learn what does and does not work for the ones that mean the most.   A long time ago I learned that if I am not at 110%, I can't take care of my family the way they deserve.  And I can't depend on anyone else to be there for them the way I am.  I will never forget the saying,  "No one cares for your kids the way you do."  It is so true.  As long as I am able, I will do everything humanly possible to make my family a success!!!!

After years of trying to be careful not to offend, or upset, or say something that might anger someone.... I have stopped worrying that who I am or what I may say or do, might offend, intimidate, anger, piss off, shock, scare or worse .... make them stop hanging out with me or my family.  I have found my stride again.  I have found friends that are, "real," friends.  Friends that we do things with, that we can have over to our house and who have us over to their house in return.  Friends that our kids want to do things with.  It is a huge relief to find these kind of friendships.  Friendships that don't have to pass tests and are based on unrealistic judgements and expectations!!! Adult friendships that are not based around our kids being friends, but the fact that they all are, makes it a bonus!!!!

We are laughing more, a lot more.  So much so that we have had tears run down our cheeks when we make jokes.  We are enjoying everything that life has to offer.  I actually enjoy being in our house during the day and have been teaching our kids so many new and exciting things.....laundry is getting easier with them doing it right along side me, bathrooms are getting cleaned by their users now and delegating responsibility is not a constant fight anymore. 

We are looking forward to some pretty amazing things for our year.  I have already planned three vacations.....to surprise everyone with.  We are working harder in school and at work and playing harder when we are together. We have realized that cherishing the 5 of us as a family is the most important thing we can do every single day...  instead of being upset about those that don't want to enjoy the time with us......  And we are loving the "little everyday things," that make life worth living,    every.   single.   day!!!

So for 2011 Tommy and I have both decided that people either want to be part of our entire families life...  or they don't ...  and we won't lose any sleep over it!!!  We will not be used and we won't fall into anyone elses drama or insecurities.  Life is too short to deal with anyone elses garbage, sad lives or problems that don't affect us..... I am sure that I will still be the, "go to girl," for gossip.  That has happened my entire life.  I like that and I am good with that.  But I won't let people blame things on me or pretend to be important to our existence anymore.....

and I won't spend one more precious second, trying to fit in.  I have come to realize, once again,  I am a star shaped, glitter and sparkle coverd peg....  that has been trying to fit into square, frumpy holes for way too long.   I don't dumb anything down for anyone, but I had been toning it down in ways that were not me...... so that.....is done and over with!!!!   

And that decision alone, has made my life so much happier!!!!

Bring on 2011, I am beyond ready for what it already holds for our family!!!!

11 in 11

I don't know where the years go.  It seems like just yesterday I was holding a newborn baby boy in my arms, not knowing what I was doing as a mom.

Now I have a young man that is nearly as tall as me, gets straight A's in school out of boredom, a young man that realizes that other little boys look up to him and we are trying to teach him that his actions speak loud...and these, "littles'" mimic him.  I watch him excel in football and basketball and then have fun with friends of all ages.  Everyday this boy just amazes me.

Today we celebrated Jax's brithday with a very low key lunch at Olive Garden.  The big guy got to take the day off of school and just hang out doing whatever he wanted to.   He slept in... a long, long time.  After measuring him and realizing that within the month of December alone, he grew over an inch plus,  now I realize why he has been sleeping so very much.  He is growing again!!!  He chose to hang out with his dad and play his new video games. This weekend we will finish up celebrating as a family and have some fun with all 5 of us together!!!

Happy Birthday Jax.  You are so very loved Big Guy!!!!

2011

There are not enough words to describe the kind of fun we all have when we get together in the cul-de-sac!!!  I firmly believe that HOW you spend your New Year's and WHO you spend it with is a precursor to your entire year.  2011 is going to be amazing!!!! We have been spending a lot of time with Rob & Sue and their boys and Shawn & Joanie and thier 5 littles down in the the Mack Ct. cul-de-sac, and we have had a ton of fun.  The kids get to ride their toys without worry of cars coming down the street, parents get to sit by the fire pit and talk and laugh and we simply, have just an amazingly fun time.  

Look out 2011.....  We have big, BIG, HUGE plans for you!!!