Late night hugs~

I was a bad mom tonight. I let my kids stay up a little late to watch some High School Musical tryout that was at Disneyland, after daddy left for work. While we were laying there I noticed it. The bottle of windex and a towel..laying behind a chair. That does not belong there......that was when Jax told me that Pudgie spilled his cup of chocolate milk all over the carpet...10 hours ago. Jax tried to "help clean it up" by putting the rag on it and some windex...and "forgetting" to tell mom about it. So in reality, it was at least 12 hours old now and I was mad. Time for bed............

Then it happened. I started reading a blog. It captured me like no blog has in a very long time. I couldn't pull away from it. I was so captivated by this blog that I made my two year old lay down for bed by himself and told Jax and Brinkley to close their mouths or I would.....Not once, not twice, a total of seven times I rushed to put Pudgie back into bed so I could read.....I don't like to get that caught up in blogs. Especially when I don't know the people at all....not even through friends' blogs.

I sat sobbing. I could not believe the pain I was feeling for this poor family. I don't know them. I don't really know how I got to this blog. That does not matter. I found myself saying prayers for this mom. For her children who were in a clear state of confusion, fear, pain and misfortune. For a dad that was so grief stricken he could barely say thank you to everyone who has been lending a hand.

I was in awe at the emotional support this family received and the strength and grace mom was showing even when her blog became detailed and graphic. I looked at pictures that no mom should ever have to post to a blog. Little babies kissing pictures. Smiles that had eyes that were lost. Tears down cheeks. A very tiny little hand in grandma's hand with her mom's right next to them.

I was saddened and horrified when I read of the screams of prayers to God in Heaven as this mother gave CPR to her two year old daughter who had just drowned. How a father pulled his other daughters away in order to not let them see the scene that was unfolding.

I was unable to stop reading and crying. I was amazed at the faith this mom held and the shear burden she must carry from this day forward. To be able to open up this burden to strangers. To struggle openly. To share, to teach and to learn from this tragedy was amazing.

I read of a little sister who gave CPR to a bag of marshmallows. She watched mommy doing it to her baby sister and thought it was a game. I read how that same little sister told mommy it was time for her sister to come home so they could play. I saw that same little girl kissing her baby sister's casket goodbye.

Then I stopped. I re-checked our pool fence again. I do this often. I relocked the gate and took out the key.

I stopped again. I went into Pudgie's room. I heard his soft little baby breaths. I kissed his soft little face and pulled his woobie up to his chin. Two hours earlier he had been playing in the dryer with Jaxi and was the happiest child on the planet. I had made him fall asleep by himself.

Again, I stopped. I looked in on Brinkley and Jaxi. I brushed Binky's bright blonde hair from her mouth and kissed her. She immedidately put her arms up to hug me. She never woke up. Jaxi was next. Re-cover with the blanket. Kisses and hugs. He never moved. Take time to breathe. Take time to watch. That was all I could think of.

I finished reading as much of this blog as my heart could handle. I could barely breathe when I was finished. Then I finally stopped and realized that late night hugs fix a lot of things. Tomorrow will bring on new challenges that I may think are so horrific I can not take it anymore. That is when I will realized that 10 hour old spilt milk is really nothing to cry over!!