Most of our weekly schedules revolve around our gym time. We wake to our daily workout. We go to sleep dreaming, anticipating or dreading the next morning. What works for us, many don't understand. Even more criticize it on a regular basis.
Lately I have been harboring my own ill-will towards the gym in general. I finally told my trainer, Jason, about it this morning. I basically told him that I am simply, "Existing," during our workouts. Seriously. I'm not bragging because I am simply sick to my stomach sick with myself, but I'm never at the proverbial bottom of the barrel in numbers or times or weight. I've just been, "FINE," with 3rd or 4th or whatever. Didn't matter. That is SOOOOO not me.
Limitations aside, I have just been going through the motions. Yesterday's workout was 100 barbell thrusters for time. The women's weight was 65 lbs. I chose to scale my weight to 55 lbs for no other reason except the plain simple fact that, "I COULD." I chose the #5 for my rep count and once we started, after 5, I would put the bar down, rest and do 5 more. For no other reason except that, "I COULD." I told Jason that there was only one time that I was even somewhat out of breath and never really broke a sweat. And plain and simple... my 16 minutes was crap. I should have done the 65lbs and I should have put up a sub-13 minute number... then puked. I chose the easy way out. The SIMPLE ROAD.... Problem was, no one questioned it. Not that anyone should have. I chose to take the easy way out. I chose to scale when I should have gone with the prescribed way.
Jason pulled me into his office on the spot. Hit the mouse on his computer and Viola`, produced the perfect article for me. It was as if it had been written because I was in the "suckdom" section of workout success.
suddenly kicked me in the rear and I, "got," it.
As I opened the door to walk into my workout success of the day all I heard was, "Nice talkin with you." Jason never said a word while I read. Never said a word before he opened the article. Never criticized me for being honest about knowing I am strong but not pushing hard enough to get stronger.
Somehow, it all translated into daily life for me. I know I have just been existing. Not in bad ways. In fact, today, Trish and Meeka joined me and Pudgie for driveway time most of the morning and into the afternoon. We talked at length about, "just existing." It startled me to hear that when some of her friends had made that comment, they filed for divorce soon after or ran off without their families. I am existing in other ways. Not gonna run off without the kids... oh wait, is that an option?
I told her that for a long time I have come home from here or there..bam... the television became Pudgie's babysitter, the house had to be cleaned, this that or whatever just seemed to consume me and the important things were on the back burner. Priorities were somewhat jumbled. It has been going on for about a month and a half. And it stopped yesterday!
I vowed that everyday, Pudgie and I would go outside and play before nap time (weather willing) and have fun with friends and , "DO" stuff. He is only little for another second anyway. I will have to do the dishes and the laundry and the boring stuff that we mom's exist for. That is ok. Because after all was said and done...
I rocked my workout this morning. I blew most everyone away, most boys included, and I felt good about the fact that it is normal to just exist some days...most people don't mind mediocrity but when you take the road less traveled...
You tend to learn to be the leader and discover how amazing you really are!!
As I opened the door to walk into my workout success of the day all I heard was, "Nice talkin with you." Jason never said a word while I read. Never said a word before he opened the article. Never criticized me for being honest about knowing I am strong but not pushing hard enough to get stronger.
Somehow, it all translated into daily life for me. I know I have just been existing. Not in bad ways. In fact, today, Trish and Meeka joined me and Pudgie for driveway time most of the morning and into the afternoon. We talked at length about, "just existing." It startled me to hear that when some of her friends had made that comment, they filed for divorce soon after or ran off without their families. I am existing in other ways. Not gonna run off without the kids... oh wait, is that an option?
I told her that for a long time I have come home from here or there..bam... the television became Pudgie's babysitter, the house had to be cleaned, this that or whatever just seemed to consume me and the important things were on the back burner. Priorities were somewhat jumbled. It has been going on for about a month and a half. And it stopped yesterday!
I vowed that everyday, Pudgie and I would go outside and play before nap time (weather willing) and have fun with friends and , "DO" stuff. He is only little for another second anyway. I will have to do the dishes and the laundry and the boring stuff that we mom's exist for. That is ok. Because after all was said and done...
I rocked my workout this morning. I blew most everyone away, most boys included, and I felt good about the fact that it is normal to just exist some days...most people don't mind mediocrity but when you take the road less traveled...
You tend to learn to be the leader and discover how amazing you really are!!
Mediocrity isn't for me... I chose a new road today!
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2 Lightbulb moments:
YOU ARE AWESOME AND TODAY YOU PROVED IT........
i feel ya! thanks for the thoughts. i feel the same way myself sometimes!
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