Shifting............

Ahhh some days I think that I get jealous of normal. Daddy's that come home at a normal time and have a normal schedule and ...well... a normal job. Although I don't know what normal is. A banker, a broker, a sales dude? I don't know. Just normal. My kids rarely see Daddy for more than 1 hour on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. Luckily that one hour is dinner and we are pretty strict about all 5 of us sitting down and tuning into us. Some days it doesn't work out so well and they get no time and don't even see each other. Now me, well I get to pack extra dinners and make extra dinners and breakfasts and I get to fly by the seat of my pants most days and.. well it suits me... except the past 2 months have been a little "edgy"

See.. we are in a process. The longest testing process in the history of processes know to man at SPD. Tomorrow it will come to an end. Good, bad or indifferent, it will end and life will go on and I will continue to be a single mom 4.5 days a week. Four and a half days straight of me, myself and I. I don't know any different so I can't even imagine what would happen if there really was a normal around here. I am not sure if my kids would know normal either.

Sometimes I talk to my friends that have the 24 on/48 off and just imagine how incredibly easy that would be. BAM... Done. But then you are on the ever changing shift of weeks and I like knowing what days are recovery days. Then there are the 48 on/96 off-ers. That would be easier than most, for me.

We are cramming a lot into the days lately. Adjusted hours and new schedules and, "stuff." Actually, we are working really hard to just get along until all is said and done. Some people are rather crabby... and by people, I don't mean me or the 3 munchkins!!! I totally expect that the serious stress will come to an end tomorrow night.......... and then we can relax. Relax and gear up for another schedule change and re-adjust our daily lives or just go back to what we know and love.

Either way... we are surviving and will continue to... and maybe, just maybe... someone will get the office and hopefully, a take home car, he so readily deserves!!!!

We love you Daddy. We know that you are the best one for the job and you wil do amazing tomorrow night. We are 110% behind you and know you will do your best and it will all work out for the best!!!

AND I AM POSITIVE YOU ARE GOING BACK TO YOUR NORMAL SELF TOMORROW.... OR I AM CALLING YOUR BOSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I LOVE YOU!

~Routine Reality Smack....

I hate the word, "routine." It runs pretty close to the word, "Obedient," in my book of crappy words. When used in a sentence discussing kids and what they should be doing, I literally want to barf when adults say their kids need to learn obedience. . I can't fathom using the words obedience when teaching my kids to listen. DOGS go to obedience school. Kids choose not to listen. It is not a matter of whether or not they are obedient. Ick, that just grates me and I have no idea where that even just came from.

Anyway... what a week.

It wasn't as bad as it could get, but in my world, I deal with the, "abnormal," rather than, "normal," stay-at-home-mom shenanigans, so most would say, this pretty much sucked. That is ok though. Learned tons.

Lost to re-cap~

My first priority is to convince one husband to lay low at work for awhile. I was stunned to watch the news this morning to find out about this. I worked patrol with his ex-wife. She and I were the only girls on the squad and hung out a lot. I remember when she was pregnant with their first daughter and how she called me all the time after my wreck. I met Eric a few times at work. Something stung me hard about this one losing his life. I can't shake a feeling and it is bugging me so much so I can't even sit still. I feel for his little girls. They are at a hard enough age.

It makes me cringe. I think about my kids and what would happen if patrol cars showed up to my house in the middle of the night. Every night I play this out in my head. I guess I have a morbid sort of routine going on. No one in this house except me lives with this fear. I have often joked about it with neighbors. They would know something horrible has happened if they wake up and there are marked patrol cars in front of my house. That is the way we deal with most of the stressful things in our house. Laughter is our fave form of meds here. Somehow, I don't think Tommy understands that this fear is alive and well every day that he, "races, beeps, and blows us kisses," with his routine good~bye. I have learned to live with it. Today was a, "JOLT," reminder. There are no such things as, "routine traffic stops."

Not many understand these morbid jokes. I get some very, "that is so distasteful," looks from those people. I have often tried to explain that life like this is so different. We don't have the luxury of a Sabbath Sunday. (Yep, I know something about religion, being raised with the Catholic guilt and all!!!!) In reality, no one who has ever been a cop has had this luxury. Everybody is a rookie at the beginning and everybody has worked a Sunday!!! Anyway, everyday that Tommy high tails it away from Casa de CrazyTown, I know it could be the last time I talk to him. The possibility is really slim but the chance is still there and I tuck it away. There are so few that understand this form of relationship. Joe Blow driving to his superstore job to load and unload trucks probably worries about getting squished by falling toilet paper, or Demon Dave's job of running numbers at the bank most likely will not get him too hurt... except for the blister from the calculator. I am kidding. Seriously though, I run all kinds of scenarios through my head daily when he is on shift. On the rare occasion that he is working emergency traffic and can't respond to my text messages in the morning, my kids can instantly feel the stress that surrounds me. Jax has a knack for seeing it in my eyes and knows.... I always get tighter hugs on these mornings. It is how we live. It works for us. I can't say if I were still on the street that things would work so smoothly. Thankfully I am here day in and day out to make sure that things are smooth and I always remind the man that his ultimate goal at work is to, "come home, everyday!" Thank you to the boys and girl on his squad that keep him safe every night and day.

Onto the rest of the rest~

I had a doctors appointment yesterday. I always feel so much better when I see this doctor. He is a healer. A spiritual healer. He travels the world and has a healing room, which I still have not worked up the guts to go to... baby steps for this tough chick.... shhhhhh! Anyway... I was feeling so much better when we talked of doing away with one of my, "life-sustaining meds." Or maybe it was my kids' life-sustaining meds. At any rate, we are changing things and I am looking up about it. The fact that when all is said and done, being off it will induce 10 to 20 to 30 pounds of weight loss has me jumping for my new jeans!!!! (Dang it, I should have done the biggest loser and won all the money~ again, kidding) At any rate, I am so excited and looking at life with the half full attitude more and more....that, I did, what most will sit here with their mouths agape at, when I write it.....

I went with my buddy and her friends to a Mormon women's group last night. I can not remember what the Mormon church calls it for the life of me, but it is the, "Women's Relief Society Night." (Ok, I think that is what it is, gimme a little room here, I went!!!) I have been asked to attend so many times and have never gone for one reason or another but tonight things just fell into place and I wanted to go. The subject was, "Putting the Spark back in your Marriage." I knew they would not be discussing anything sexual and I promised not to open my mouth on the subject, at all! So.... since no one I know ever talks about sex like I do, I was beyond curious as to what the lectures would even consist of. I did not expect anything at all. I say that only because if I set the bar too high I would have been disappointed, so with no expectations I figured I would be, "amused," at worst. And that would have been good. Instead of being amused, I found myself choking back tears during Lisa's story. The talk she gave was amazing and last night was the first time I had ever met her. A true show of faith and love and hope and fear and all out happiness was ever present in her and I loved watching how vulnerable she was willing to be in front of a room full of women. I don't do vulnerable with other women so seeing this had me sort of, "awe struck." Maybe I need to work on a softer side towards other women. I hear I am scary all the time but I just don't see it .... What ever the case..... Amazing story!!!!!

I am so glad Beth called me and told me I was going with her (after her mom told her she was going) last night. This is the reason her and I get along so well. Not many can get away with telling me I am going to do something like that, but her, well, I just click with you lady and I love that you included me last night! I needed that.


So all was good after that... except I fell asleep the second my head hit the pillow... and I hogged the entire bed... and Tommy had to get up in the middle of the night and decided to start cleaning up all the files on the computers. He was so frustrated with me. It started at 2 a.m. He was still going strong at noon. That was when the real frustration hit. He made the mistake of telling me to clean up my side of the computer. He wanted to condense all 1900+ photos I had downloaded throughout 2009. I was supposed to go through the photos, delete fuzzy ones and duplicates and then he would teach me the move to the "J" drive. I thought I would speed things up.... So being the computer illiterate I am, I accidentally deleted all of them. Yep, I am serious and yep, I am devastated and yep, I am considering drinking heavily until I get over this screw up of the week.

Between Facebook, missing photos of one of the most amazing years of our life, freakish dreams induced by the Facebook fiasco, sooo many things chewed up by Dozer the Demon Dog, and nights with no sleep, I am so ready to kiss this week good-bye. So this week will be over as of this blog... even though it is only Friday!

Tonight I am ready start my week over. The weekend is here and I am renting a rug cleaner. That always makes everything so much more perfect for me. The simple things ROCK!

I have big, big plans.

We have special deliveries coming next week........ ahhhh and I have tons of redecorating to do tomorrow.