Shifting............

Ahhh some days I think that I get jealous of normal. Daddy's that come home at a normal time and have a normal schedule and ...well... a normal job. Although I don't know what normal is. A banker, a broker, a sales dude? I don't know. Just normal. My kids rarely see Daddy for more than 1 hour on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. Luckily that one hour is dinner and we are pretty strict about all 5 of us sitting down and tuning into us. Some days it doesn't work out so well and they get no time and don't even see each other. Now me, well I get to pack extra dinners and make extra dinners and breakfasts and I get to fly by the seat of my pants most days and.. well it suits me... except the past 2 months have been a little "edgy"

See.. we are in a process. The longest testing process in the history of processes know to man at SPD. Tomorrow it will come to an end. Good, bad or indifferent, it will end and life will go on and I will continue to be a single mom 4.5 days a week. Four and a half days straight of me, myself and I. I don't know any different so I can't even imagine what would happen if there really was a normal around here. I am not sure if my kids would know normal either.

Sometimes I talk to my friends that have the 24 on/48 off and just imagine how incredibly easy that would be. BAM... Done. But then you are on the ever changing shift of weeks and I like knowing what days are recovery days. Then there are the 48 on/96 off-ers. That would be easier than most, for me.

We are cramming a lot into the days lately. Adjusted hours and new schedules and, "stuff." Actually, we are working really hard to just get along until all is said and done. Some people are rather crabby... and by people, I don't mean me or the 3 munchkins!!! I totally expect that the serious stress will come to an end tomorrow night.......... and then we can relax. Relax and gear up for another schedule change and re-adjust our daily lives or just go back to what we know and love.

Either way... we are surviving and will continue to... and maybe, just maybe... someone will get the office and hopefully, a take home car, he so readily deserves!!!!

We love you Daddy. We know that you are the best one for the job and you wil do amazing tomorrow night. We are 110% behind you and know you will do your best and it will all work out for the best!!!

AND I AM POSITIVE YOU ARE GOING BACK TO YOUR NORMAL SELF TOMORROW.... OR I AM CALLING YOUR BOSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I LOVE YOU!

BIG

Just for today, I will allow myslef to be a little more emotional than usual.
Just for today, I get the pity party.
Just for today, I will hug them tighter.
Just for today, I will hold them longer.
Just for today, I race down memory lane.

Today all three of loves of my life will tip toe off to school together.

Yes, the gruesome twosome will have little Pudgie man in tow.

Little Pudgie man will finally walk the halls that he has been begging to visit...for three years.
Little Pudgie man will get a buddy, that is not his sister or brother.
Little Pudgie man will have to rely on someone else for help, besides Mom now.
Little Pudgie man will make a lot of new friends.
Little Pudgie man will play on the cool playground.
Little Pudgie man will learn about lunch lines and rules and the joy that is learning.
Little Pudgie man will take some big strides towards independence, without Mom.

And today, I think I just may lose it a little bit.

Pudgie's ability to grace this family was nothing short of the 2nd miracle in my life and now, I don't get to chose to be away from him anymore.

Normally, I consider myself to be a pretty tough chick.... on that note....I am giving myself two days to catch my breath. After that I will have a hard time expalining why I have turned to mush..........................

(.... sniffle

I can get through this day.........................................

~Wasting Change~

I guess I will own this, not that I am proud of it... but we are quite a wasteful family. Not with everything, but enough so that I decided that it was time to make some seriously drastic changes if these peeps want to take an impromptu and somewhat expensive vacation this year.

We had bowed out of the whole idea of a vacation since the littlest princess got her braces but once I figured out how much food, stuff...aka...money, gets lost, used improperly, stolen, thrown away or goes bad...I figured if I can change this, and right now, we could take some seriously awesome spur of the moment vacations.

I started reading some pretty cool articles and then I found one talking about, "Making the Spare Change." It gave all kinds of ways to find money and save money and keep money and then find some more.

First on my list of "finding money," cleaning out all of my purses and the toy bins and junk drawers and car ash trays. After 3 purses, (and that is all I have cleaned so far) I almost fell off the chair. I had almost $68.00..in change. I told everyone that they are going to need to go through all of their nooks and crannies and find all the loose change. I know it is there, I have seen it. I have 33 more purses and bags and backpacks to go through by Monday. I am figuring that I will most likely, have over $400.00, in change alone....... and for me, that is huge, to clean out all my bags (that, and to have all that change accounted for)!!!! Every penny we have will be going towards the surprise trip.

The second change: Well, I have heard it so many times before but I really have never ever followed it. Pay ME first. Makes sense but I guess I just never did it. I started it this weekend when I went grocery shopping. At the end of checking out, the checker always says...."you saved $XXX.00 amount of dollars today." I decided that, that amount saved will be immediately withdrawn from my account with cash back, and put into another account that only I access. I hope to eventually incorporate the savings when I wash the car myself or do the bug spray thing myself rather than pay someone else to do it. I had stopped using all my coupons awhile back but am getting back into the swing of things with them so that will help even more! My ultimate goal would be to save $2,000.00 a month. I have not explained to everyone that we will be using all the things that we have before we go and buy more, in an effort to cut back and be a lot more aware about how we are living, but I know it will be much easier with them going back to school and not being home 24/7 anymore!!

I think for this week, two big changes should be enough to push me nearly over the edge. I would love to hear from anyone...even the blog stalkers that never leave comments, on how you save and how much is normal to try to save because maybe I am missing a boat and should be trying to save even more with a family of 5????

"39"

I am too busy to celebrate a birthday this year.

Well, too busy, and minus one so I really don't actually feel like celebrating anything right now. My birthdays are good to come and go and be just another day for me. Now, for everyone else in the family, birthdays are huge! We normally celebrate birthday months for everyone's day. Not this month. Not mine. We are... "in limbo," and it is getting on everyone's last nerve. SERIOUSLY. So, needless to say... come next Thursday, we will begin celebrating my birthday and maybe a little more!!!! Either way, limbo will come to an end and life as we used to know it, but somehow, don't remember it, will begin again!!!

For now, I have been doing a ton of research and planning and changing and redoing some things for our family. And now, I must post them, in random order, to stick to my 39 goals for the year ahead of me!!

1 ~ My health becomes the #1 priority over everything again
2 ~ 5 workouts a week
3 ~ A monthly Budget
4 ~ A clean house daily
5 ~ 7 mini getaways
6 ~ HUGE savings
7 ~ A cruise
8 ~ Girl's night out once a month
9 ~ Debt free
10~ Declutter all the "stuff" monthly
11~ Forgive more
12~ Be better
13~ Pay "us" first
14~ Volunteer with the kids at Andre house
15~ Kitchen backsplash/under the bar done
16~ Summer camps for all three kiddos
17~ Reclaim a "healthy eating" lifestyle again
18~ Try HOT Yoga
19~ Try harder to be nicer
20~ Finish Jax's room in a HUGE way
21~ Own it
22~ Work on the backyard
23~ Set up the SPA account
24~ Finish the courtyard
25~ Remember that everything happens for a reason
26~ Prioritze...everything
27~ Forgive my family easier, they aren't changing & are missing out
28~ Do what makes me happy and not everyone else
29~ A monthly date night
30~ A trip to Vegas
31~ 5 total body cleanses
32~ Volunteer with the kids at school
33~ Give everyone jobs at home
34~ Make them all stick to their jobs
35~ Stick with punishments
36~ Complain a lot less
37~ 4 days a week....No hats
38~ Take it all down a notch....
39~ Stop and remember...they are little...for a short time. Enjoy them now!

Happy Birthday to me... somehow I think I have just, "sentenced," myself by posting these goals!!!

Left

I, at the very least, expected a single tear.
Maybe a hug that lasted a bit longer than normal.
A smile that, only a Mom would notice, was on the verge of.....

Anything....
Something......
alas,
Nothing.

Nothing......
But.........
The anticipation was in the air.
The excitement was loud.
The giddiness was contagious.

She was ready.
Hand in hand she walked with her best cousin.
Smiling and
Laughing and
Plotting and
Planning and
Singing and
Dancing and
Skipping and.....
Just being little and happy!

I, on the other hand, was not. I thought I was. We talked for hours about being away at camp. We talked about the fun she would have and all the friends she will make and the horses she will ride and the hikes and art and games and food and all things "girl camp!" I half hoped that there would be any hesitation in her so that I could comfort her fears away. A little worry or maybe some skepticism. (they only issue we had was whether there were open showers or individual ones)

Instead, she bolted for the BIG bus and never looked back. Ready for the week that awaits!

While I choked back a sob.
I think I was ready to faint.

I just put my little girl on a very BIG bus, for outdoor explorer camp. For the next 6 days and 5 nights. I can only think I have lost my mind. I watched all the other parents, including my own sister, drive away even before the bus left the lot. We had to wait until the bus left the lot... and even then, I was scanning the freeway to make sure that they made it all 500 feet to the entrance.

I can't call the little darling and I can't text her. We can write letters and mail them off, the old fashioned way. We also get to email each other, but not directly to one another. I am sure she will have a blast and we will keep busy as well. I just know that I am already missing the little spitfire that keeps the noise level and blood pressure .... waaaaay too high, around this house!!!!!

6 days and 5 nights ...... I CAN DO THIS!

Guess which...........

Pudgie has been swimming for about two summers now. He gets lazy and likes to leave his life jacket on but for the most part, he has been able to jump in the pool without it, swim the length of the pool twice and go back and forth on his own, for about two years. The only problem was, he hated swimming under water. He had no problem jumping in and going under, but actually swimming with the goggles on and going to the bottom was not among his favorite things to do, until now. I am not sure why the big bit him, but he decided he wanted to get rocks off the bottom of the pool like his sister and brother the other day... so I happily oblidged the little man. And man oh man did he go and go and go. I had to help push him down a few times just so that he could see that it was ok to get those feet over his head... but now he is doing flips and summer saults and everything that his brother and sister do...... and of course... he is scaring me to death when he just sits under water now!!! We end almost every night with late swims.... which tire these little munchies out.

The only draw back to the new love of swimming.... Pudgie loves for Mommy to swim with him, under water... and well, I hate green hair. Since he is having so much fun... I guess the green will grow on me!!

Lately..

It seems like the more things change ...... the more they stay the same.

Unfortunately it is not always good and it somehow, isn't so bad. I think that makes it ok.

We are under the gun to get everything ready for school and summers end and camp and life. Lately it seems like everything is a race against life. Or with life... Or something.

Cook better to be healthier to workout harder to look better to feel better ... for life.
Practice patience to be more respectful and kinder to each other ..... for life.
Forgive each other and certain people so that they can learn to let it go .... for life.
Teach them that we are always here for them, even when others are not .... for life.
Leave expectations of family behind in the dreams and make up for them .... for life.

Grouchy...

That would be a great way to define me lately... that is, if I were not so bitchy.

I think that bitchy fits me to a "T" and I deserve to be, rightly so........

This summer has been all about the kids.. as usual. And I mean that in every sense of the verbage.

We have not had any kind of vacation. We do hit the water park at least once a week, for the kids. I told them that we would do season passes since vacay is on hold. Ahhh, vacay hold, that is our new lingo in our house. Thankfully that has not really put a damper on anyone, except maybe, me.

You see, we actually are feeling this sacrifice. Brinkley got her braces and we gave up on going anywhere cool, as in temperature change, or "cool," as in grande ship awesome. Strangely though, we do not normally go on a summer vacation so I am not sure why I am grumpy....er I mean bitchy about it. (I am thinking that it really has nothing at all to do with the vacation stuff) This summer has been filled with work necessities and the possibility of a new promotion/job change.. CAUSING SOME.... MORE THAN SERIOUS... TENSION AROUND HERE and then there is the whole school thing for him as well. While it seems that we have done absolutely nothing, we have all been going none stop, technically.

I think that it is me that is antsy. My workouts have fallen way far out of my grasp most days, then I start to get back to the swing of things and have them fall away again. School will help with the schedule and regimen and planning. I think I may have to join a gym again just to get outta the box that is this house. I am really starting to hate this house. Maybe because I never leave it... and when I do I still have someone attached to me. Maybe that is why I dread certain parts of summer. I work very hard not to, "overly plan," things, just because I want the little critters in this family to relax and enjoy summer and love being together... while I kinda bounce off the walls not really knowing how to relax anymore.

The boys have grown extremely close to one another. I anticipate this to be even more so next week when the sister is gone away camping. Jax is getting so excited to have Justice at school with him. I can't even write how much they adore each other. There are no words anymore. I have even gone as far as to allow Jax to babysit Justice so I can run errands. Things are definitely changing in this house. Even more so, in the next few days.

Miss Binky is preparing for her first trip to camp. Out of town and without us... thankfully she will go with her cousin that is the same age and they will be bunk mates. I am not even sure how this is gonna fly with me. 6 days away. I doubt I will sleep much since I have been told... no telephones......... at all. It is her "test" camp experience to see if she will want to do a three week camp next summer. I just hope she has an amazing time and meets some wonderful friends while she is away. She needs this. I want her to grow and see more and become more outgoing... if that is humanly possible for this girly girl! She is by far my most outgoing child.. well except for the flirt that is Pudgie... but that is so different.

On another note... I went kindergarten uniform shopping for the littlest school boy yesterday. I thought I would have a melt down or feel ill or cry or something. Instead....nothing. I think that I am just beyond the overload anymore that I just feel nothing. That kind of scares me. Anymore... we are just going through a lot of motions around here. Hopefully all of them going to school will change that.... otherwise I may have to run away and make Daddy take a vacation to care for these crumbsnatchers while I get the heck outta dodge.

I hope this next week gets better. It is my birthday. My first birthday without my little girl with me at the waterpark. My last birthday in my 30's and just another day in the books I guess. Hopefully it will be a great week for everyone... because school starts after that... but Brinkley and I have a hot date on Sunday the 25th... with a 'lil boy named Justin....................

"B" DAY

IT IS A BIG ONE!!!!!

I am so glad that Brinkley is excited to get braces. I don't think there is anything worse than a little girl that is bothered by having her teeth be crowded. So crowded that they were overlapping each other on the bottom. She never had a problem smiling but she has said how much she hated her teeth....numerous times.

I kept threatening her that I would not waste money on her teeth, no matter how hideously bad her crowding got, if she refused to take care of her teeth. You would have thought that brushing her teeth was equal to amputating an arm or a leg. LAZY! So I put it off for almost 18 months. We would have been done with these babies if she would have listened. She learned the hard way and finally realized I was not playing when it came to her dental care and the cost of these babies!!!

So today was our big day!

Brinkley did great getting all the work done and loved choosing her band colors! Let's hope the next 10 months fly by for her!!!!



Let's hope the enthusiasm doesn't diminish tonight, when she gets sore!!!!!