I loved roller coasters growing up. I was that girl that wanted to ride them all. Upside down, round and round, up, down, loop de loops... bring em on.
Today, not so much. Why? Because for the past 15 days, my life has been a roller coaster. Seriously, up, down, up, oh, hold on baby because this down is a big drop... whoopeeeeee this is a big up. On and on..... and I am tired of this roller coaster. I like exciting and fun but I need back the day to day boring monotonous stuff that I am used to. I need to breathe and not cry anymore and rest. Sleep is not usually an option for me anyway, but I need some. I am so over emotionally drained it is no longer funny. I think it hurts to smile anymore. I am just afraid for anything even remotely good to happen anymore, because for every single good or amazing thing that has happened to me or someone in this family.... something bad or even.. dare I say it....REALLY, REALLY horrible has been happening within a days time frame, and I am at the end of the canyon just waiting to be pushed right on over the proverbial edge.
Just when I think I may see some relief, life throws me another round of soap in my eye. And it is not the gentle, no more tears kind of soap.
At least after today, I can wash my clothes with that soap that is in my eyes! It only took two and a half weeks, a lot of tears, along with a few choice words in a screaming match, to get this baby delivered.
Today, not so much. Why? Because for the past 15 days, my life has been a roller coaster. Seriously, up, down, up, oh, hold on baby because this down is a big drop... whoopeeeeee this is a big up. On and on..... and I am tired of this roller coaster. I like exciting and fun but I need back the day to day boring monotonous stuff that I am used to. I need to breathe and not cry anymore and rest. Sleep is not usually an option for me anyway, but I need some. I am so over emotionally drained it is no longer funny. I think it hurts to smile anymore. I am just afraid for anything even remotely good to happen anymore, because for every single good or amazing thing that has happened to me or someone in this family.... something bad or even.. dare I say it....REALLY, REALLY horrible has been happening within a days time frame, and I am at the end of the canyon just waiting to be pushed right on over the proverbial edge.
Just when I think I may see some relief, life throws me another round of soap in my eye. And it is not the gentle, no more tears kind of soap.
At least after today, I can wash my clothes with that soap that is in my eyes! It only took two and a half weeks, a lot of tears, along with a few choice words in a screaming match, to get this baby delivered.
I guess that is a, "half-full," way of thinking about it!
(Look out tomorrow, who knows what will happen now!)
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2 Lightbulb moments:
hmmm, I wondered for a second if there was something wrong today, but I wasn't thinking straight, and not really in the mood to talk, distracted with my own thoughts and worries and didn't bother to ask. I'm so sorry. Please let me know if there is anything I can do. Hope for a better day tomorrow. =)
Okay, I'm not beatin around the bush and paiting these roses red... I'm just come right out and ask you:
You okay, Deanna?
Love you, dear lady! Give me a jingle.
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