A THOUGHT~

I tend to write about cop things and I think some people don't understand why. Well, besides the fact that I was one, and he is one and our life revolves around it. In reality, I write about it because most, at best, don't live in reality.

Most won't admit that their kids need to learn about drugs. Reality is, they are in our kids' school and my kids, they know all about em. Most won't admit bad things happen. Really, really bad things, even on Christmas Eve. Reality is, Tommy saw it this morning, which brings me to this post.

One of the most known things in cop world is, suicide rates go up starting around Thanksgiving and then skyrocket around Christmas. It is a hard known and sad fact. I joked about it two weeks ago. I told Tommy that he would be getting some 901's (dead bodies) since Christmas was sneaking up on us, and way too fast. It bit me today. (My ability to see the future, that is.)

I have been talking about the meaning of Christmas a lot with the kiddo's every night. Watching a wife and mother of 4 lay her Police Officer husband to rest, the day before Christmas Eve, strikes a bad place with me. I cried watching the news yesterday and then held tight to Brinkley as she wiped my tears and told her, "That could have been you and Daddy and Jaxi, so long ago." How will that family move on? And how will Christmas ever, ever bring them joy again?

Last night, as the love of my life left, he was giddy with excitement that he would be home right after shift to get some sleep and to have our best Christmas ever. We are enjoying the years he has both days off since they only come around every decade or so. I anxiously locked myself in my room and had wrapping paper everywhere as I listened for snoopers at my door. With all three finally asleep, I gave up and just covered the last 20 or so gifts and called it a night. A few heartfelt texts between Tommy and I and I fell asleep.

It was way past shift end when Tommy walked through the door. I knew that was a bad sign. Reality struck at 0400 hrs this morning when he responded to a call that broke his heart. The holidays were too much for a woman with three little ones (the baby is only 3 months) a husband and a beautiful home. While I will spare the details, she took her own life in the garage, and if she does not pass away on her own, someone will have to make the heart-wrenching choice to do it for her. Her brain is now mush.

REALITY!

My kids heard the story. I cried again. Brinkley asked if there was a Daddy. Tommy hopes they wait to take her off life support until after the Christmas holiday so the babies lives are not ruined when Christmas comes each year.

Some days I don't want to hear these kinds of things but the reality for us is, he needs to talk about them to keep the sanity. Other days I drink in every detail so I can remember, so I can be thankful, so I can teach our kids, so I can stop and realize how darn luck my family is. It is so easy for me to forget what I have seen. I want my kids to know that life is not all about the pretty bows and things that are nice. Life outside our little street is not nice, people are not always nice and bad things happen, even to good people.

I know it is Christmas and I should be saying things like Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas, but the reality is that it is not always Happy, some may not have Christmas that includes gifts like the wise men brought and some will have to learn to just cope this season.

It is a good reality that reels me back from the wrapping paper and hustle and bustle of the next few days and makes me stop and just love what I have and pray for those that don't.

P.S. if You have not watched the video from the last post, I have attached it here as well. You may not drink, but most of the time, it is not the drunk driver that gets hurt. Be Safe This Season!