A GOOD Good-bye

I have a book about: this and that, love and friendship, and emotional things. One of my favorite parts of the book talks about loss. It talks of physical injury and emotional injury and loss in general.

The book is called, "The Portable LIFE 101."

It is a book of random quotes from famous people and from different books. It has gotten me through many a rough waters in my life. It is falling apart and has quotes highlighted throughout it. I keep it in my bathroom vanity drawer for quick reference when I take a bath.

I needed it this morning. I actually knew last night, what today was going to bring, and I couldn't bear to face my kids without reading some quotes. Even after, I had to get through the morning like nothing was wrong.

Quote #65 says:

This is a lifetime of good-byes. As we continue with life, we will say good-bye to cherished people, things, and ideas. Eventually, we say good-bye to life itself with our death. Learn to say a GOOD good-bye.

At 8:25 this morning, Tommy and I had to make the heart-breaking decision to say a GOOD good-bye to Tigger. Tigger started seizing at 9:25 last night and never really stopped. He was non-responsive, even to me. He bit me in an effort to protect himself when I tried to get him to take a drink of water and he was basically paralyzed in his hind legs. I don't know what brought this on, but it was, literally, overnight that this happened.

The vet told us, immediately after checking him, that he was suffering. Not even valium could make him relax enough to let his brain rest to stop the seizures. I could not do that to our dog any more. He has been with our family from the very beginning and will be in our hearts forever.

Now comes the arduous task of telling my little babies that Tigger is in Heaven. I am really not looking forward to this afternoon! Or the rest of this week, for that matter.

The Telling..

I promised not to lie to the kids about Tigger. I knew how I was going to lay the groundwork for my words to not sting so bad. I had cried all day long and was utterly emotionally drained.

What scares me the most out of this entire day is Brinkley knew something was wrong the minute she saw me. She asked me what happened the second she walked up to me. I told her we needed to wait for Jaxi. She begged me to tell her what happened. She started pulling at me. Then she waited.. until she could not hold back tears. Tears for an unknown reason but still big girl tears of fear. Jaxi walked out and I held my breath.

I don't know how we even managed to walk home. I think I was holding both of them up. Jaxi was sobbing uncontrollably and Binky was past the point of being able to console her. I did not expect the intense emotions from her.

Jax begged me to bring his dog back. I pretty much fell into an uncontrollable sob at that point. No Mom ever wants their children to hurt but I also want them to understand that we will get through this loss as a family and we will be fine. We, of course, have to be... because Grampie Frank was just as sad as I was. And Grampie Frank does not allow for sadness when it comes to losing your best Boxer..........and Tigger was just that... the best dog a family, or a neighborhood could have ever asked for.

TO BE CONTINUED...................

Emotions

My Dad is one of the most emotional men I know. He has no problem showing anyone and everyone that he loves them... anywhere. He often hugs and kisses Tommy, while they are both in uniform, at work, when Tommy stops in at the hospital. He is not intimidated by anyone and is basically a hugasaurus kinda guy! I love it!

I dreaded calling my Dad about Tigger. I had called my Mom while we were rushing to the vets office but did not call my Dad until we had already come home in a heap of sobbing emotional mess.

My Dad loved Tigger just as much as we did. He is a huge lover of boxers and has lost one too. When I called him I just could not stop sobbing. He cried with me. I love that my Dad cries right along side us when we are sad or happy. That was the moment my Dad jumped into action.

He made me promise I would talk with the kids about loss and let them grieve for Tigger. (I know now, this is going to be a long process.) I promised I would and that I would be totally honest when they asked me questions about what happened. He cried a little more and told me he would talk to me in a little bit, because Daddy needed to get to work. Let me tell you, when he is on a mission.... LOOK OUT!

By Definition......

pro·tec·tor also pro·tect·er (pr-tktr)

NOUN:

1. One who protects; a guardian.
2. A device that protects; a guard.
3. Protector
a. A person who rules a kingdom during the minority of a sovereign.
b. The head of the Commonwealth of England, Scotland, and Ireland from 1653 to 1659.

OR

In Pudgie's case........

HIS DOG TIGGER!

The actual, "not so cute..nor very funny" part of this picture is the fact that I came upstairs to make sure that Pudgie man had not wet the bed. That being Daddy's side of the bed and all, I was good, but I knew that would have made for a somewhat unpleasant morning. So, as I leaned over to check Pudgie, Tigger, yeah... MY Tigger.. MY sweet and innocent Tigger, opened his eyes and snapped at me. I am sure he wasn't awake enough to realize it was me, but holy cow he scared me... and that never happens with this dog. I am so glad he watches our kids like a hawk. I am pretty sure that no one will ever mess with them when he is out!! I love this dog!!