Like Cats and Dogs

I normally love my Sundays. Normally.

We have been forced to take Sunday off from the gym so now I have a designated day that I could sleep in on but unfortunately Pudgie comes to me in the morning and anyways.....We usually have no plans or places we have to be unless we are invited to my parents house or my sisters for dinner or something.

I usually get to finish one of the, "weekend warrior," projects that we started on Thursday or Friday and then I hang outside most of the day while the kids play or color or dance or play soccer. Something fun and relaxing! I get to go through my 6 Sunday papers..... or not, and catch up on emails.... or not, and just lounge the day away or grocery shop....or not! Our neighborhood is usually deserted because of church and the kids are not allowed to play because of it, so we have the street pretty much to ourselves and the three mighty munchies can wreak havoc if they like. It is usually my favorite day.

Not lately though. The past two Sundays have come with screaming and yelling and unending battles like I breed rabid dogs inside this house or something. My kids are at each others' throats and short of choking them, I have done everything I can to separate them.

I am sure my neighbors hear me. Some times I am outside screaming at these kids like some psycho that just got out of the sanitarium. Others, well, at the octave I have been at lately... heck, I am sure the little rest home on the corner can hear me. My kids have been ridiculous and I told Tommy that our escalating scale of punishment to fit the crime has gone out the window..... this woman has moved onto corporal punishment. I even threatened Binky with (No, I am not proud of this but it is what it is)..... "If you touch him again I will hit you with a wooden spoon, if that does not work I will hit you with a metal spatula and if that does not work I will punch you just like you punched Pudgie." (Now I may sound like I would do something like that... I may have even considered it after dragging her off her 3 year old brother for the 100th time today... but I wouldn't do that...... I have leverage now and taking away her cousin from California's visit has done wonders to punish this little girl.)

I think that the worst part is, like the last pictures, even when I do get the three of them apart, they start chasing each other around like animals instigating the fights all over again. It is killing me and I swear, my kids are gonna kill each other before this spring break is over. I don't know why they are like caged animals lately but this three ring circus ring master is ready to bow out and hand over the top hat or the whip to someone else. I swear I need a UFC ring in my backyard!!

Spring break can not be over soon enough for me. I am so frazzled I have started redecorating my house and this puppy doesn't need it.

~Mack Moms R*O*C*K~

First it was Me and Pudgie and 14 tons of gila brown rock.
Then Kelly came out to lend a hand with baby monitor attached.
School let out and the kids came home at 11:20.
Then came Jax and Binky.
Then Ruth and Gregory.
Then Nevan and Trish and Mayzie.
Then Zen and Julia and Max.

It was an absolute free for all of helpers and I was so thankful.


Tommy has been working hold overs all week and timing was not the greatest for rock delivery but I had it in my mind that I would just chip away at this enormous pile and it would eventually get done.


That was not happening with my awesome friends. They are amazing and I am not just saying that in case they read my blog. Tommy got three whopping hours of sleep today and almost fell over when he came downstairs and saw that the pile of rock was down to about 3 tons.


This group worked their tails off for me and my family today. I can not thank you all enough. I am so darn lucky to live on such a loving and caring street!!!


Brian came with the bob cat to finish off the last of the rock and I could have just hugged him at that point because complete exhaustion had set in.


You are all the best and I seriously love you and appreciate all the hard work you all did for us. Even all the kids were simply amazing. We had strangers stopping and asking how we got all the kids working together the way we did. Gotta love Grammie Diane's trip to Sonic for slushies (a.k.a serious bribery)!!!


Like I promised... dinner is on us tomorrow night. Pizza party in the front yard about 5:30 people!!! Be there or be hungry and sore!!!!!!

Playin'

It is official... I am a soccer mom.....minus the mini-van.... and other things.

Jax has begged to play on a team for the past two years and I finally let him. I would not give in until he proved he could keep his grades up (a given) and his behavior perfect (another given) at school and home.

Tommy has not to even had a chance to watch Jax practice so I think he was extremely surprised to see just how well Jax plays. It is almost funny to watch the other little guys back off when Jax starts running full speed at them. The tend to cower over to the side.

We are working on Jax getting a little more agressive and not worrying about hurting the other team when he is kicking (we hear the, "oh man, I am sorry," a lot).

Jax is very lucky to have a coach that has 13 years of soccer experience as a player. He is an exceptional coach that is stressing the importance of skill rather than just running aimlessly with the ball and kicking it down the field to just get a goal. Jax earns a dime for every skill he uses during his game. I have never seen my son more proud of earned money than on Saturday when his coach annouced he would receive 3 dimes at practice on Wednesday.

We are certainly having fun screaming for this big boy. Pudgie couldn't yell, "go Jaxi. Good Job.. KICK IT JAXI," enough during Saturdays game. Brinkley even got into the action hugging him when they won! I think Jax may have found "his sport," although I can imagine him being recruited for football when he is in high school because of his size .

Man do I love this kid!!! I tend to think the feeling is mutual!

Organizing Tips...

Okay all you type A personalities. I am begging you for any and all help on how you organize your house. This is my spring cleaning week and I need to figure out a real system for my house. Everything from how you organize your tupperware lids and bowls to cleaning supplies. Linen closets to kids toys. I am looking to everyone who is crazy anal about an immaculte house. I was in my girlfriends house yesterday.... you can eat off of her floors and I am just inspired to clean this little shack we live in so that Jax and Binky's spring break is all about fun in the sun with friends and family..............

1, 2, 3, GO!

Re-Visited...........T27

To this day, 7 years later, people still ask about my accident. I still cry about it. Some days I can get through the conversation, if I steer it the right way and avoid talking about certain things. Most days, it is inevitable that I will just let the tears flow if I can't get them under control. Some days I absolutely want to strangle people that tell me that I don't look like someone that has been through the kind of trauma that I have. What does that person really look like? Seriously? Should I wear my scars on my sleeve? I know I should be more proud of them. I still cringe when I wear short shorts and Brinkley runs her fingers across the burns on my leg and says, "Ohhh I know that was a bad one." When Pudgie points and says, "Oh Mommy, bad boo-boo, let's get a ban taaaid. Yeah, Mommy, bad." It never vaires. They always say the same thing and I feel like someone has just taken their fingernails down a chalkboard and grated my heart into tiny pieces.

I think that that hardest part about living everyday now, is knowing how much I loved what I did and having been forced to give it up. Any one who works in law enforcement has joked about taking a medical retirement for this or that, but until you face it, forcibly shoved down your throat, you just don't even know how really bad it sucks. I hear so many people complain about their jobs or their bosses or just anything and I just want to reach out sometimes and choke them. I want to shake them and ask them, "Do you know how lucky you are to be able to do what you love? To accomplish something everyday that you are so proud of? To have that self-worth that comes with supporting those you love and cherish?" I think sometimes people are so far removed from their own lives that they don't see what is really good.

When I hear people tell me that I am lucky to be home with Jax and Bink and Pudgie, I agree with them. I know that I am lucky. I see how a lot of families make huge sacrifices so that one parent is home with the kids. I do not ever take that for granted. I don't think that I realize it as often as I should, but I know how good things are in this house we live in. I know how very good we have it. This is going to be our best year ever.

This year I vowed to work harder at healing from this emotional mess of a mess this has caused. I hide the hurt pretty well. At least I think I do. I work hard to keep up physically so that my doctors won't start to treat me like I am 80 yrs old. I try to keep up with the best of the best when it comes to training the muscles that just don't like me anymore. I am so lucky that Tommy is always right beside me, encouraging me, even though he knows how much pain I go through. Without Tommy, I know I would never have survived!! I don't want to use the word blessed. I think it is over-used these days. I don't want to use the word charmed either. I don't live a charmed life. I am living a God-given life that is good. It is so worth the every day struggles and heart string tugs I feel on a weekly basis. I think the farther I get away from my accident date, the more comfortable I am with who I am, with what is left over and what is yet to come.

I have personally vowed to live better and be a better person this year, and every year forward. I know that, every day, for the rest of my life, there will be the, "before and after," of the day I went down on my motor. I would be lying if I said there wasn't. It will forever be the open raw wound of my life that will never heal but I can live that way.

Life is 180 degrees different for us now. Better? Most likely, yes. Harder? Certainly. Would I change a thing? Absolutely not. I was raised, and firmly believe that, everything happens for a reason. I still, to this day, do not know what the reason is. God knows the reason, and he knows that we have struggled every single day since, but one day, I will know and I will finally feel that peace that comes with that kind of closure. I can only hope that Tommy will stick with me throughout the rest of this journey that is my life, "AFTER."

The following is my post from last year. It took me 6 months to write it through many tears. It is so true, the stages one goes through when grieving. Sometimes I don't think I am through with them, which makes no sense to me, but I have stopped trying to figure it all out.

I take time, every few months, to re-visit my post, to remember and just realize how lucky I am. It is long and graphic and a painful reminder, but it is life. It is my life and I am proud to be the survivor that I am. I have also attached the interviews that Tommy and I did in Las Vegas for a Street Survival seminar. It was really the first time that Tommy has talked publicly about my accident. Again, on-going family therapy!

Enjoy, and remember,

LIFE IS NEVER SO BAD AT ITS WORST THAT IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO LIVE!

I am living proof!

Original post date- February 27th, 2006
THIS POST IS FOR ME. IT IS GRAPHIC, IT IS NOT POLITICALLY CORRECT, SOME REFERENCES MAY OFFEND PEOPLE AND REALLY ... DOES THAT MATTER? THIS POST IS ALL ABOUT THE ANNIVERSARY OF MY MOTORCYCLE WRECK... AND FOR ME... THIS IS THERAPY. IF YOU CHOOSE NOT TO READ IT THAT IS OK. THE PICTURES ARE NOT PRETTY. MY WRECK WAS FAR FROM THAT. THE RESULTS EVEN FARTHER. FROM WHERE I WAS 6 YEARS AGO TODAY, TO WHERE I AM NOW... I AM PRETTY DAMN PROUD OF MYSELF AND OF WHAT I HAVE ACCOMPLISHED. NOT MANY CAN SAY THEY COULD HAVE MADE IT THROUGH THE HELL I HAVE BEEN THROUGH AND MOST HAVE READILY ADMITTED THEY WOULD NEVER HAVE SURVIVED (TOMMY INCLUDED.) MANY A HUSBANDS WOULD HAVE LEFT THEIR WIVES ... MINE STAYED AND DID THINGS FOR ME THAT I COULD NOT. HE FOUGHT THROUGH TEARS TO HELP ME GET PAST PAIN THAT WOULD CAUSE ME TO BEG JUST TO DIE.. HE PUSHED ME TO LEARN HOW TO GO UP STAIRS SO THAT I COULD GO HOME TO OUR HOUSE AND RECOVER WHERE I WAS IN FAMILIAR TERRITORY AND HE SAT WITH ME WHEN I WOULD BURST INTO TEARS BECAUSE I COULD NOT EVEN PUT MY OWN SOCKS ON. THERE IS SOMETHING TO BE SAID FOR BEING PHYSICALLY STRONG, EMOTIONALLY STRONGER AND DOWN~RIGHT STUBBORN WHEN IT COMES TO SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST!

I CAN ONLY SAY THAT HAVING A HUSBAND THAT WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR ME, THE LOVE I HAD FOR JAX AND BRINKLEY AT THE TIME, AND HAVING MY ENTIRE FAMILY HELP TO SUPPORT ME AND THE BABIES ARE WHAT GOT ME TO WHERE I AM... THAT AND AS I WOULD TELL EVERYONE IN THE HOSPITAL.... "I AM JUST TO MEAN TO DIE!"

THERE WILL ALWAYS BE A BEFORE... AN AFTER.... AND 31 LONG DAYS IN BETWEEN. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO ME. SIX YEARS AGO TODAY I DIED.....AND THEN I WAS SAVED BY SOMEONE I CAN ONLY COMPARE TO GOD...... NOT ONCE, NOT TWICE, BUT THREE TIMES I WAS SAVED. I GUESS SOMEONE HAD BIGGER AND BETTER PLANS FOR ME! IT WAS FATE THAT, INSTEAD OF A MEDIVAC, THEY CHOSE TO SCOOP AND RUN WITH ME TO SCOTTSDALE OSBORN'S TRAUMA CENTER. IT WAS FATE THAT MY DOCTOR JUST HAPPENED TO BE THE ON-CALL TRAUMA SURGEON FOR THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES WHEN HE IS IN TOWN. IT WAS FATE THAT HE HAD SEEN MY EXACT INJURIES TWO TIMES BEFORE (I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO SURVIVED THEM.) IT WAS FATE THAT HE HAD USED "OLD SCHOOL" TECHNIQUES RATHER THAN NEW FANGLED TECHNOLOGY TO SAVE ME. IT WAS FATE THAT MY HUSBAND WAS STANDING IN THE TRAUMA ROOM, WATCHING EVERY MOVE THAT WAS BEING MADE TO HELP ME... AND IT WAS SIMPLY DIVINE INTERVENTION THAT I EVEN SURVIVED.

I REMEMBER THE DREAM LIKE SEQUENCE OF IT ALL. MY LAST RADIO TRANSMISSION. "TOM 27, 10-4. 902 THE CHURCH." I RODE FOR AWHILE WITH A FEW OTHER MOTORS. I MADE MY TURN AND THEN IT HAPPENED. THERE WAS NO PANIC. MAYBE A LITTLE WHEN THE BEE FLEW INTO MY GLASSES. I CAN STILL HEAR MY PADS SCRAPING THE METAL AGAINST THE CURB. NOT A BIG DEAL. WE WOULD SCRAPE PADS ALL THE TIME. I CAN FEEL THE WIND BEING KNOCKED OUT OF ME AS I HIT THE BOULDER. I WAS SO VAIN ALL I COULD DO WAS ROLL OVER TO CHECK TO MAKE SURE MY TEETH WERE STILL INTACT. I HEARD CHRIS TELL ME TO LAY STILL AND THEN I FELT HIM LAY DOWN IN THE ROAD AGAINST ME TO MAKE SURE I WOULDN'T MOVE. I WAS TOLD I STARTED TURNING A HIDEOUS COLOR OF BLUEISH PURPLE AT THIS POINT. TOMMY STOOD AND WATCHED. I WAS DYING RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM.

I HEARD HIM AS THE PARAMEDIC WAS TRYING TO START A LINE IN MY ARM. "OUR BABIES NEED YOU DEANNA!" "YOU HAVE TO BE OK." I WAS PISSED. I FOUGHT IN THE AMBULANCE SO I WOULD NOT GET THAT NEEDLE STUCK IN MY ARM. THIS WAS THE LEAST OF ANYONE'S WORRIES. I HAD JUST GONE DOWN ON MY MOTOR AND I WAS DYING AND THERE WAS NOTHING ANYONE COULD DO ABOUT IT.

I REMEMBER HEARING THE NURSE SAY, "SHE IS A MOTORCYCLE COP?" " ARE YOU SURE?" I COULD FEEL THAT I WAS NOT BREATHING ON MY OWN AND THEN I HEARD A SICKENING SOUND. I HEARD A DRILL. THE WHIZZ OF IT FREAKED ME OUT IN ADDITION TO THE FACT THAT I WAS NOT BREATHING ON MY OWN AND I THOUGHT I WAS NOT GETTING ENOUGH OXYGEN. THEN I FELT PRESSURE ON MY RIGHT KNEE. NO PAIN.. ONLY PRESSURE. WHAT THE??? THEY ARE DRILLING MY KNEE. I FORCED MYSELF TO MOVE MY FINGERS ON MY RIGHT HAND AND THEN I HEARD THE PANIC IN SOMEONES VOICE... "HER HAND IS MOVING." TOO MUCH HUSTLE AND BUSTLE. I CAN FEEL THE PANIC IN THE ROOM. I OPENED MY EYES. THE LIGHTS WERE PAINFULLY BRIGHT. THEN IT ALL HIT AT ONCE. A NURSE YELLED, "OH MY GOD, SHE IS AWAKE!" "GO GET HIM." HIM??? I WONDERED WHO HE WAS. THEN I HEARD THE CALMEST VOICE EVER. "HI DEANNA" I WAS PISSED. MY HANDS WERE STRAPPED DOWN AND I CAN NOT BREATHE ON MY OWN AND THERE IS TOO MUCH GOING ON. WHO DOES THIS MAN THINK HE IS? THEN, IT BECAME A MADE FOR TELEVISION SHOW........"DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOU ARE?" "BLINK ONCE FOR YES AND TWICE FOR NO." ONE BLINK. "DEANNA, CAN YOU MOVE YOUR OTHER HAND?" ONE BLINK AS I WIGGLE MY LEFT FINGERS. "CAN YOU FEEL YOUR FEET DEANNA?" LOTS OF BLINKING. I DON'T KNOW. I STRUGGLED.. THEY ARE STRAPPED I THINK. I THINK I WIGGLED MY LEFT TOES. "DEANNA, I AM DR. WACHTEL" AND THE PANIC IS NOW GONE BECAUSE THEY PUT ME BACK UNDER. (I HAD JUST BECOME A STATISTIC. I WOKE UP DURING EMERGENCY SURGERY!)

I HEARD MY DAD AND TOMMY. I CAN FEEL TOMMY'S HAND ON MY RIGHT HAND. CRAP, I AM NOT BREATHING ON MY OWN STILL AND AGAIN, I AM STRAPPED DOWN. TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE I OPEN MY EYES AND THERE IS A PRIEST AND MY FATHER ON THE LEFT SIDE OF ME AND TOMMY ON THE RIGHT TELLING THEM I AM NOT GOING TO BE HAPPY ABOUT THIS. HE WAS RIGHT. I WAS DOWN RIGHT LIVID. I THOUGHT THAT MY DAD WAS GIVING UP ON ME AND LETTING ME DIE. I THOUGHT THEY WERE GIVING ME LAST RITES. I THOUGHT THAT THEY FIGURED I WAS NOT TOUGH. I STARTED PULLING VIOLENTLY AT THE WRIST RESTRAINTS AND SHAKING MY HEAD BACK AND FORTH IN THE "NO" MOTION. (THIS IS NOT HIGHLY RECOMMENDED WHEN YOU ARE INTUBATED) I DIDN'T WANT THEM TO DO THAT. TOMMY KNEW ME BETTER THAN EVER. IN REALITY, THEY WERE PRAYING FOR ME, NOT GIVING UP ON ME. I FELL BACK TO SLEEP.

I HEARD KELLY TALKING TO ME. STILL NOT BREATHING ON MY OWN. STILL RESTRAINED. MAD MAD MAD. I STARTED SHAKING MY HEAD AND FLOPPING MY RIGHT HAND. KELLY GOT WORRIED AND THOUGHT SOMETHING WAS WRONG. THE I.C.U. NURSE HAD SEEN IT BEFORE. SHE KNEW. I WANTED TO WRITE. I WROTE QUICKLY BECAUSE I DID NOT KNOW IF I COULD STAY AWAKE. I TOLD HER OF THE BEE IN MY HELMET, I KEPT SAYING I WAS SORRY AND THAT THERE WOULD BE NO MORE MOTORCYCLES AND I FINALLY ASKED HER, "AM I GOING TO DIE?" I HAD NO IDEA WHAT EXACTLY WAS WRONG WITH ME. SHE CRIED AND CRIED.

THE NEXT COUPLE OF DAYS WERE SEMI-CONSCIOUS DAYS. PEOPLE CAME AND WENT AND I DON'T THINK THE REALITY OF MY INJURIES HIT UNTIL THE DOCTORS STARTED EXPLAINING THAT I MIGHT NEVER WALK AGAIN. FOR ME, IT WAS NOT AN OPTION. I COULD FEEL THE PAIN, THEREFORE, IN MY OWN MIND, I WOULD WALK. IT WAS A GOOD SIGN THAT I WOULD PASS OUT FROM THE EXCRUCIATING PAIN. (SICK WAY OF DEALING WITH IT, BUT IT WORKED FOR ME AND THE LOGIC WAS GOOD IN MY MIND.) REALITY SET IN THE DAY THAT THEY RUSHED ME INTO SURGERY TO REPAIR A TEAR IN MY INTESTINES. THE PAIN WAS BEYOND INTENSE. I THOUGHT I MIGHT ACTUALLY DIE.

THINGS PROGRESSIVELY GOT WORSE FOR ME. MY PELVIC REPAIR SURGERY WAS NOT FOR A FEW MORE NIGHTS AND THE PAIN OF HAVING YOUR SPINE AND PELVIS LITERALLY RIPPED APART IS A BIT PAINFUL... TO UNDERSTATE THE OBVIOUS. TWO NIGHTS BEFORE SURGERY I WAS HAVING A ROUGH NIGHT. THIS WAS THE NIGHT THAT I STARTED HALLUCINATING THAT I WAS ON A RIDE WITH WILLY WONKA, I COULD LICK THE WALLPAPER AND TOMMY WAS SLEEPING NEXT TO ME IN A BOAT SURROUNDED BY WATER. THE REALITY OF THAT DREAM WAS.. THEY HAD TO PACK MY BODY IN ICE BECAUSE I WAS SCREAMING FROM PAIN, I HAD A 103 DEGREE FEVER FROM AN EAR INFECTION, THEY GAVE ME DRUGS TO CALM ME WHICH CAUSED THE IMAGINATION TO VIVIDLY TAKE ME ON MY TRIPS, THE PLASTIC BAGS THAT THE ICE HAD BEEN PLACED IN HAD STARTED LEAKING CAUSING WATER TO POOL AROUND THE CHAIR TOMMY WAS SLEEPING IN AND I PULLED OUT MY NG TUBE THAT WAS DOWN MY NOSE AND INTO MY STOMACH FROM MY FIRST EMERGENCY SURGERY TO REPAIR A TEAR IN MY INTESTINES.

I CAN STILL SEE THE LIGHTS OF THE CORRIDORS FLIP FLIP FLIPPING PAST AS I AM BEING WHEELED TO THE SURGERY WAITING AREA. THERE ARE COPS ALONG THE WAY. THE DOCTOR IS TALKING TO TOMMY MOSTLY. I AM JUST THERE FOR THE RIDE. EVERYTHING IS EXPLAINED AND I AM GETTING READY TO GO BACK INTO THE STERILE ROOM. TOMMY KISSED ME AND MY MOM HUGGED ME AND I CRIED. I TOLD THEM HOW SORRY I WAS AND THAT I CAN'T LET OUR BABIES BE HOMELESS. WHO THINKS LIKE THIS? MY MIND WAS EVERYWHERE. MY BABIES WERE A LITTLE OVER TWO YEARS AND ONLY 6 MONTHS AND I WAS DEATHLY AFRAID I WOULD DIE AND THEY WOULD LIVE IN A BOX ON THE STREET. I SERIOUSLY TOLD MY MOM THAT. SHE REASSURED ME THAT I WOULD BE FINE AND JAX AND BRINKLEY WOULD NEVER LIVE IN A BOX. OK.....I GUESS SHE WAS RIGHT.

WHEN I WOKE UP, REALLY WOKE UP, THE DOCTOR EXPLAINED THE ENTIRE SURGERY TO ME AND TOLD ME THAT HE WAS VERY GLAD THAT WE HAD ALREADY HAD OUR BABIES. "UMMM OKAY, SO I NOW HAVE PLATES AND SCREWS HOLDING MY BODY TOGETHER, LITERALLY, SO THAT I CAN, ONE DAY BE UPRIGHT, AND WHAT???? WHAT ELSE DID YOU TAKE OUT WHILE YOU WERE PUTTING ME BACK TOGETHER? MY ORTHO SURGEON EXPLAINED THAT ALL MY PARTS WERE STILL INTACT BUT BECAUSE I HAD TORN MY SI JOINT, AKA: "THE MOMMY JOINT" I WOULD NEVER BE ABLE TO CARRY ANOTHER BABY, I WOULD MOST LIKELY NEVER GET PREGNANT AGAIN ANYWAYS, BUT IN THE EVENT THAT I DID, I WOULD NEVER TAKE THE BABY TO TERM BECAUSE MY BODY COULD NOT HANDLE A PREGNANCY. WHAT??? THE SI JOINT IS THE PART OF A WOMAN'S PELVIS THAT OPENS UP TO DELIVER A BABY AND THAT EXPANDS TO CARRY A BABY. GREAT... MINE DOES NOT MOVE ANYMORE. OK. I CAN DEAL WITH THIS. WE ARE GOOD. I THINK. THEY ARE STILL NOT SURE IF I WILL WALK AGAIN... YEAH RIGHT. THEY HAD IDEA WHO THEY WERE DEALING WITH.

THE DAYS SLOWLY PASSED. I TRIED TO DIE AGAIN. TOMMY WATCHED IT ALL HAPPEN AGAIN. I PASSED A BLOOD CLOT THROUGH MY LUNGS. NOT THE MOST COMFORTABLE FEELING IN THE WORLD. RATHER SICKENING WHEN YOU HEAR A CODE BLUE GO OUT OVER THE HOSPITAL INTERCOM AND KNOW IT IS FOR YOU.

I SHOULD HAVE STAYED IN THE HOSPITAL AT LEAST 4 TO 6 MONTHS TO LEARN TO WALK AGAIN. THAT WAS NOT HAPPENING.

AFTER 3 LIFE SAVING SURGERIES, 16 PINTS OF BLOOD, STAPLES, STITCHES, A DIET THAT CONSISTED OF LIPIDS (THINK A GREY LIQUID OF GOUP THROUGH AN I.V) ANYTHING THAT I COULD HAVE A PERSONAL CHEF MAKE AND THEN KEEP DOWN, THERAPY THAT WAS BEYOND ANYTHING WE HAVE EVER SEEN (THINK HANNIBAL LECTOR IN HIS LITTLE CHAIR BEING STRAPPED IN WHEN HE STANDS UP)... YOU NAME IT AND I DID IT AND I CAME HOME. THERE IS A LOT TO BE SAID FOR BEING A STRONG WOMAN IN A MAN'S WORLD. I CAME HOME TO A HOUSE FILLED WITH HOPE AND A FAMILY READY TO DO WHATEVER IT TOOK TO KEEP MOMMY AROUND.

LIFE CHANGED DRASTICALLY FOR OUR WHOLE FAMILY. I HAD TO GIVE UP ONE OF THE GREATEST LOVES IN MY LIFE WHEN I RETIRED FROM THE POLICE DEPARTMENT. IT STILL BREAKS MY HEART EVERY DAY TO THINK ABOUT IT. I MISS IT TERRIBLY AND SOME DAYS I JUST WONDER WHAT IF????

THEN, I LOOK AT TODAY. PUDGIE WOULD NOT BE HERE HAD THE WRECK NOT HAPPENED. I WAS FULL FORCE BACK INTO MY CAREER WHEN GOD PUT THE BRAKES ON OUR FAMILY. TOMMY AND I WERE SERIOUSLY LIVING LIFE AT FULL SPEED. AS FAR AS I WAS CONCERNED... I WAS DONE WITH BABIES... DIDN'T CARE WHAT HE THOUGHT. WE WERE WORKING A LOT... LIKE 70 HOUR WORK WEEKS EACH AND JUST FLYING THROUGH LIFE. IT WAS TIME TO SLOW DOWN. IT WAS NOT THE WAY I WOULD HAVE CHOSEN.....

TOMMY AND I HAVE SURVIVED WELL. I WISH I COULD SAY THAT THERE HAVE BEEN DAYS WITHOUT PAIN. THERE ARE NOT. THERE NEVER WILL BE. I CAN'T SAY THAT THERE AREN'T DAYS THAT I JUST WISH FOR ONE MORE DAY ON THAT MOTOR. ONE MORE DAY AS A COP. ONE MORE DAY TO MAKE THAT TRAFFIC STOP OR TO BE ONE OF THE "GUYS" ON THE ROAD! I DO MISS IT. BUT DANG, MY KIDS ARE LUCKY TO HAVE A MOMMY THAT: WAKES THEM UP EVERYDAY FOR SCHOOL, MAKES THEM BREAKFAST, WALKS THEM TO SCHOOL, PICKS THEM UP FROM SCHOOL AND HAS SNACKS WAITING FOR THEM, SITS DOWN AND HELPS WITH HOMEWORK, SCHOOL PROJECTS, PLAY DATES AND JUST ANYTHING KIDS NEED. THEY WOULD BEG TO DIFFER ON THE PART ABOUT MOMMY BEING AROUND SO MUCH TO SPANK AND YELL TOO... HEY THERE HAS TO BE A LITTLE GIVE AND TAKE RIGHT? IT WOULD NOT BE LIKE THAT IF I WAS STILL ON THE ROAD WITH TOMMY. I KNOW THAT.

I AM LUCKY. I AM ALIVE AND I HAVE A HEALTHY FAMILY. THREE KIDS THAT ARE WONDERFUL, DIFFICULT, BEAUTIFUL, MOUTHY, SILLY, LOVING, GROSS SOMETIMES, GOOFY, CUTE, MEAN, CRAZY ... JUST WONDERFUL KIDS....AND ONE IS A TRUE MIRACLE. I HAVE A HUSBAND THAT IS GREAT. HE DRIVES ME NUTS SOMETIMES, AS ALL HUSBANDS DO. BUT HE IS MINE AND I PLAN ON KEEPING HIM! WHEN I SAY THAT I AM LUCKY.. MOST OF YOU HAVE NO IDEA JUST HOW TRUE IT IS. MY LAST RIDE AS TOM 27 WAS TO ESCORT SGT. TOM HONTZ AND HIS FAMILY THROUGH A FUNERAL PROCESSION. TOM WAS THE FIRST AND ONLY SCOTTSDALE POLICE OFFICER TO BE KILLED IN THE LINE OF DUTY. I CAME HOME 31 DAYS AFTER TOM'S FUNERAL. I CAME HOME WITH BROKEN BONES, BRUISES, SCARS, PINS AND PLATES HOLDING MY BODY TOGETHER, UNABLE TO WALK ON MY OWN IN EXCRUCIATING PAIN, WHICH WILL MOST LIKELY LAST THE REST OF MY LIFE. I CAME HOME TO TWO BABIES THAT COULD NOT UNDERSTAND WHY MOMMY WENT TO WORK ONE DAY BUT DIDN'T COME BACK FOR A LONG TIME AND WHEN SHE DID, SHE DIDN'T LAY ON THE FLOOR AND PLAY OR RUN WITH THEM FOR A VERY LONG TIME. FOR ALL THE BAD THAT HAPPENED TO ME 6 YEARS AGO... I CAN SAY I AM LUCKY. I CAME HOME.

ONE DID NOT.

Here is our interview in Las Vegas last year. It has finally hit me that I really need to be proud of what I did even though it all came to an end. Jax told me, just the other day how cool he thought it was that his mom was the first ever female motor officer for the city. I asked him if it ever embarassed him that I went down and had to end my career. He, without even skipping a beat said, "No mom, you make me proud to say you are my mom. You worked hard and were the first girl to ever ride a motorcycle for Scottsdale and that is huge. I would never be embarassed about you having your accident. You are tough." Sometimes it takes your 9 year old to teach you lessons on self-worth!

PoliceoneTV.com

Strawberry ~n~ Fluff

After Tommy's Supervisor of the Year win on Wednesday, he decided to surprise us with a very impromptu trip up to the rim so we could get our yearly dose of the snow. We have missed it the past few years so we were excited to see Pudgie's reaction to the fluff.

We did not tell the kids anything about the trip. In fact, they had it in their heads that they were being shipped off to a granparents house and we were going to a casino for the weekend. We are still trying to figure out where that came from.

We walked in the front door, after school on Friday and told them to get moving! I had instructed the kids to grab their toothbrushes. We were headed out.... all 5 of us with Dozer girl in tow. We had already packed everything in the truck and were ready to have a relaxing weekend of cold!!! Jax is too smart for his own good. He asked Pudgie what we were doing. Pudgie started screaming, "Jaxi, we gonna make Frosty and snow and play and Frosty and cold and fun!!!" So much for surprises. They knew.

I think Binky was more excited that I had bought High School Musical 3 and Madagascar 2 for them to watch in the truck on the way up to Strawberry. Our favorite cabins in Flagstaff were booked for the weekend so we decided to try a new area!!!

We had an absolute blast. The kids played in the snow, we went sledding on the rim and had a huge bon fire to make smores one night. All in all, we had some, much needed, family time and lots of quiet time. Dozer is still not real sure about the snow and Pudgie can absolutely live without sledding. He can make a mean snowman though!

.......Of The Year!

Tommy and I talked long into many a nights when he started to even consider promoting. We were not worried about the testing process. We were not worried about child care issues, schedules, long hours, or anything like that. It came down to the almighty dollar. Tommy took a huge pay cut to promote.

When he did finally test and was promoted, his schedule was fine. Not the one we would have chosen, but being an unconventional family, we make pretty much anything and everything work. Then an opening happened and Tommy jumped at the chance to have weekends off with us and he was so lucky to slide into supervising the most amazing squad ever.

Today was the day to honor those who have gone above and beyond in their postions at work. I know how proud Tommy is of everyone that works for him. They continuously go above and beyond and produce amazing arrests and numbers that astonish many bosses! In addition to the fact that Tommy's entire squad was nominated for the Team of the Year award, one of his officers was nominated for officer of the year and another for Rookie of the year. He was like a father that was just simply proud of his children and all their accomplishments over the past year. One of his officers won! Congratulations to Roberto who is the Officer of the Year. It is so well deserved!!!

It wasn't until today that he found out that every single one of his seven officers that work for him nominated him as the supervisor of the year. If that was not enough, his Lieutenant added an eighth nomination. He was shocked. To add icing to the proverbial cake, he was then told that his Commander had finished off the nominations with a ninth one. Tommy felt that the nominations alone were enough to feel proud of his last year of accomplishments and all that he has learned.

With that in mind, Tommy attended his luncheon without any of us and won The Supervisor of the Year award. I know how proud your Lieutenant and Commander are of you....

All I can say is that we, your family, are so very proud of you. We wish that scheduling would have, at the very least, allowed for me to come and see you receive your award. We will just have to do something special to celebrate, this weekend!!!

Congratulations Daddy. We Love You!!!!!

LOVE 2 LOVE, LOVE

MMMM... It's that time of year again. I love watching men rush around like chickens with their heads cut off trying to get their, "sigs," something "meaningful" for Valentine's day. I even laughed, out loud, at a guy in Costco today. He was literally sweating over the jewelry counter. Circling it like hawk ready to dive onto its prey. Poor guy. When I saw him at the check out I made sure I snuck in behind him and his dozens of red roses to see what his wife was getting. I even asked what the lucky lady was getting. Poor man was exhausted and just mumbled, "the watch." How sad.

I don't believe in this hype. My sister and I have talked about why we don't. It is how we were raised. She wants to believe now. She is in LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, Puppy LOVE, again. GOOD FOR HER. She was proposed to tonight. Not tomorrow, like most women would expect. Nothing extravagant, just a box, a boy and one ginormous diamond and platinum ring from the man she seriously LOVES. GOOD FOR HIM!

Tommy and I love each other every single day. We joke, we laugh, we kiss, we snuggle and we LOVE like there is no tomorrow as much as humanly possible. Everyday is our Valentine's Day and I would not want it any other way.

Today we did do a few unconventional things that I am going to count as Valentine's Day presents for our family.....

1. We put new tires on my Excursion so we can goto the snow safely with our family. $580.00 for my family to be safe is PRICELESS. (Plus it is a heck of a lot cheaper than the $75,000 Escalade I want)


2. We booked our very first ever cruise today. Our entire family will be taking a 7 day Mexican Riveria Cruise. We have never done anything like this and I am so psyched about it! I just can't wait to get rid of this whole sickness thing because my abs are begging to get back into the gym.... this chick is going to wear an itsy bitsy teeny weeny bikini!!!!!

HAPPY HEARTS DAY TO ALL!

JACKPOT....

and not one I am proud to win.

After trying our best to get to feeling better, we packed everyone up and went to urgent care today. Nothing has worked and we are at the end of the whole orange juice and Tylenol rope.....

It is frightening to hear that your family has

Tonsilitis
Bronchitis (it is bad when they asked if Tommy smokes)
Pre-pneumonia
Strep
Sinusitis
Pre-ear infection with massive fluid build up and
Upper Respritory infections

Not the best jackpot to hit but at least we know we have an amazing urgent care facility down the road that will fill the prescriptions on site and it was quick.

Lifesavers...

Thank you, thank you, thank you, Trish and Shanen. Trish, your chicken noodle soup was super-fantastic. It was just what everyone in this house needed. Shanen, your home-grown salad was fabulous! Thank you both for taking care of my family and me!!!

Dare I say it...

Just when you think things can not get any worse....

We have all been extremely sick the past two weeks. Everyone except for Brinkley is coughing up their lungs and wishing their heads would just explode so the pain would just go away. Poor Pudgie's started almost two weeks ago, mine started on Monday of last week, Jax's was Tuesday morning and Tommy was Tuesday afternoon.

I was hoping to see a slight improvement today.

Wishful thinking.

I woke up with ears that were draining and another headache to end all headaches,

Jax's eyes were almost swollen shut from the pain of his headache and coughing.

Pudgie has not eaten in almost two weeks and just keeps saying, Mommy..Pudgie sick. I want to sleep on the couch." The boy has not been out of pajamas in 12 days.

To top it off, Tommy has been so sick that this morning when he was finally able to get out of bed, he got so light-headed (or actually fainted, we can't confirm or deny it) that he slipped going down the first flight of stairs causing him to crash down onto the landing. Thankfully he barely missed Jaxi, who was right in front of him, and he missed my glass, 3 foot tall, candle lanterns in each corner of the landing.

Something has got to give here. I am out of Lysol and bleach. Poor Tommy just keeps asking for a piano to be dropped on his head to help with the pain.

I am pretty sure that is not an option!

Matched Mates

My beautiful cherry red LG washer is no longer lonely. Her BFF electric dryer made her debut on Friday. We welcomed her into our very sick-family filled home with open arms and a lot of clothes that needed serious washing and sanitizing. We plan on keeping these BFF'S for a very very long time!!!

Kissing....

Adios January. Good-bye and good riddance to you.

I am not sad to see this month go.

More or less I have been holding my breath until it slipped away. Or, I should say, slithered into the dark depths of our past. This has been a tough month. My stomach is still in tight knots over so many things that I am justifying living on Cracker Jax and Pineapple-Orange Juice. Pretty sad, I know. My workouts have been somewhat ok, thus, my justifying the, "DeAnna diet." Late night meetings with the half gallons of butter pecan ice cream have come back to haunt me and the scale still shows weight loss...... you know things suck when that happens.

So today.... we are kissing it all good-bye and moving forward... whatever that means, right?

We talk more about losing Tigger now. It is about happy times and how he played or did this or that. The kids are accepting it a little bit more and we are finding that comfort in knowing he is no longer in pain.

We are starting soccer season for the big man. Yep, that is an entirely strange new world for me and quite the funny post I have ready to put up.

On the new and exciting front for the beginning of February....

We were excited to find out that Tommy's wonderful squad has been nominated for numerous "_______ of the year awards." Everything from officer of the year, rookie of the year, team of the year. They truly are a wonderful group of men and women and I have to say that I think it goes back to the supervisor they work for.

With that, I am so proud to say that Tommy has been nominated for the, "SUPERVISOR OF THE YEAR," award. What an honor for a supervisor with only one complete year under his duty belt. Pretty cool! Now we just wait and see since the big budget cuts have hit I won't get to go to the awards ceremony to get photos. There is no dinner so employees will just get to go to a little employee only shin dig for a lunch thingy. That is the sad state of our economy!!!

I am certain that February will bring on new and exciting...GOOD things for us.

If it doesn't happen, I'll just force it to somehow!!!