Exhaustion

So I am sitting here... exhausted wondering why I get so many stupid emails. Seriously lame, time wasting, junk mail filling garbage... and then I decided to look at some of this stuff.

Now, when I say I am exhausted.... I went to bed at roughly, 3:30 a.m., after our awesome block party last night... because of course, I had to do nothing after, but was still not able to fall asleep. (It really had to do with the fact that Binky and her friends were sleeping on the trampoline next door and I seriously slept with one eye open and both ears perked, and all three guns loaded.... just in case....) Then Darth Vader baby woke his silly dupee up at 5:15 a.m., just in time for our garbage man to make way too many trips around our block........ Stupid me told Tommy.. heck yeah we are going to the gym.... we have big plans tomorrow so we absolutely can't miss today's muscle crippling workout..... sheesh IDIOT me!

So anyways... I am supposed to be taking a nap. I was ordered to go upstairs and lay down. I took that as the, "you really look like crap honey, but I love you so go lay down" little hint from Tommy. AAAAHHH Married life.. what are you gonna do?

So here is what I learned today.. all from my email, oh and two political phone messages....

I can lose 20 lbs by Christmas because it was seen on Rachel Ray, but it is best if I do it with my free sample of crystal light before I call and get a lower interest rate on a 2009 car but wooooohh nelly... call to get the lowest rate on car insurance through, who else? yep, The Lowest Car Insurance Rate Co. (Who in their right mind would really call them?... ok onward) Now, after calling them, I should call about the beach front property starting at $15,000 and if I buy there, I better call Dish direct and get cable for $19.99 a month for life with a $50.oo mail in rebate, which I can then insure my life with, you guessed it, Life Insurance Direct Co. The guaranteed lowest rates if you die in a vat of bat bait on a Tuesday near Switzerland when the snow melts at a 73.8 degree angle from the north star... get my drift? Then I figured I could contact all my high school buddies at a lower Classmates.com rate if I upgrade to the gold membership, only after I contact Oprah to get her secret to looking thinner by 50lbs in two weeks... (Who do these people think they are kidding?) Then, I can simplify my life by buying a Hooveround which comes with a vacuum attachment/Roomba for easy housecleaning. (Does that one even make any sense?) After I am done Hoovering around my house, watching my roomba make it sparkle and shine, I can find the love of my life after I turn 50, but first, I will become a Stock Trader... because now it is being made easier by the e-mail courses at the newest online degree site, which, by the way, offers corrections, paralegal, law enforcement, business, banking, cooking and veterinarian certificates .. you guessed it.. online from the security and privacy of your own home. Yahoo.. I guess I could become a stock-trading, animal saving, banker who bakes bread for criminals. Whew, I am really tired now... maybe I should check out the latest and greatest energy drink..Acaci berry juice that comes with a money back guarantee..wait, first I need to finish the newest Human Resources course offered so I can break through the glass ceiling which will then put me straight into.. yep, you guessed it, my free pilot lessons for small aircraft and helicopters.........

I gotta nap... I have a lot to do this week! I am gonna be one smart, skinny, air-craft flying, bread baking, friendly, new car driving, voting for the right things, money making, house cleaning, machine.