THIS IS THE CRUMB-SNATCHERS LAST WEEK OF SUMMER BREAK. I AM ACTUALLY SAD THIS YEAR.
IT HAS BEEN AN AMAZINGLY FUN SUMMER, WITH THE EXCEPTION OF JAX'S TONSILS.
I WANTED THIS LAST WEEK TO BE THE BEST YET AND OF COURSE, I GO AND BLOW THAT LAST NIGHT. I GUESS FOR MY OWN SAKE, I AM OWNING UP TO IT.
MY KIDS NEVER SEE ME UPSET. I DON'T LET THAT HAPPEN. THEY HAVE SEEN ME MAD BUT NEVER SAD, AND LAST NIGHT, THE TEARS CAME AND THE LAST THING OUT OF MY MOUTH TO THEM WAS, "FOR ONCE THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU THREE. BEHAVE AND LET ME BE," AS TEARS STREAMED DOWN MY FACE.
WITHIN 10 SECONDS JAX WAS AT MY SIDE. IT SHOOK HIM TO SEE MOM LIKE THAT. HE HUGGED ME TIGHT AND CRIED TOO. I FELT BAD THAT HE SAW ME LIKE THAT.
NEXT CAME THE BINKY. SHE WANTED TO SNUGGLE. AT LEAST THAT WAS HER EXCUSE TO GET THE 4-1-1. IT DIDN'T WORK. I TURNED HER DOWN ON CLIMBING INTO BED WITH ME. SHE CRIED AND HUGGED ME AND ASKED IF I WAS OK. IT MELTED ME A LITTLE TO WATCH HER WALK OUT OF MY ROOM DEFEATED.
I FELT DEFEATED. MY WORLD HAD CHANGED IN AN INSTANT AND SEEMED TO BE SPINNING OUT OF CONTROL. I DON'T THINK I WAS THE ONLY PERSON FEELING THIS WAY.
I WOKE WITH A SPLITTING HEADACHE FROM 2.5 HOURS OF DOZING. SLEEP DIDN'T HAPPEN LAST NIGHT. MY EYES LOOK LIKE I WENT 10 ROUNDS WITH ROCKY. MY NECK HURTS AND WORST OF ALL... MY HEART HURTS.
FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MANY, MANY YEARS... TEARS COME TOO EASILY FOR ME. MAYBE THIS IS JUST WHAT I NEEDED. GIVE WAY TO THE TOUGH GIRL EXTERIOR AND LET IT ALL JUST FLOW.
THE KIDDIES WERE VERY UNDERSTANDING WHEN I ASKED IF WE COULD POSTPONE THE REST OF OUR SHOPPING PLANS 'TIL TONIGHT OR MAYBE ALL DAY TOMORROW. THEN, WITHOUT ANY KIND OF BRIBERY, THEY AGREED AND LET ME BE.
I GUESS ONE DAY TO WALLOW IS FINALLY ALLOWABLE FOR THIS MOM.
TOMORROW WILL BE BETTER!
Monday, July 20, 2009
NOT SO GOOD
Posted by DEANNA on Monday, July 20, 2009
Quick organizing END OF SUMMER
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2 Lightbulb moments:
We call that 'meltdown' and every self-respecting mom has them. I am a frequent flyer :) So sympathy isn't what you need, and certainly no advice. It's just a day, gone in 24 hours, surely to be repeated, and hopefully not so defeating next time. It really could not be that bad. My guess is that you are very hard on yourself.
Here is the quote I got from church yesterday: "Your future is as bright as your faith". I kept saying it to myself as I started taking phone calls early this morning regarding tough rental issues, expensive kinds. I felt better when I owned it all, and tried to keep a positive outlook. Still, a nice pain-killer would be extremely helpful right about now.
Have a good last week with the kids. I can't say I'm not excited about them going back. Work Hard, Play Hard.
I'm heading to the north country for the day with my nieces and nephew (and kids). I'll have nothing to do but drive. Call me.
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