Forgetting...

As of late, I have been doing a ton of forgiving.... and as usual, it is the whole, "forgetting," that becomes the problematic thing for me.  I am a total grudge-master by nature so forgiving in itself is a fate worse than death, but I am mastering it.... it is the forgetting that is the problem now.

Tommy is coming to a complete understanding of the stories I have told him about my past now, as well.

Growing up, I got along with boys.  Not girls.  I hated girl drama and all things related to girl drama.  I hated being dragged into girl drama and never had any problem telling girls where to go, how to get there, or the truth about anything in between.  Anyone who is a girl knows, 99% of girls like things sugar coated, and with me....that stuff just doesn't fly.  I do much better hanging with guys anyways.  I like guy things.  Shooting, working out, talking about sex, joking about sex, laughing about sports, playing sports with the guys...... avoid cooking at all costs.....  I have always, always had more guy friends than girl friends, even now.

Go figure...  life is still filled with ridiculous girl drama. Twenty five years later.

I honestly thought I was getting past this garbage.  After tons of soul searching about past drama and finally just giving up and letting things go I really figured my saying, "it is what it is," was best put into play and our family life went on.  I talked at length with my kiddos about a bunch of stuff and life was great.  We were moving forward at mach 3 and loving life...  and then my phone rang.

Tommy sat speechless when I told him what I had just been accused of.  Worse than what was said, at first, was that it was someone who I really considered to be a family friend.  Someone I allowed into my home, to eat dinner at my table and someone I thought I trusted......  I was speechless.... dumbfounded...... and now...just outright PISSED.

After a long talk with Tommy we came to some of the same conclusions: the accusations could have seriously done irreparable damage to our marriage if Tommy and I didn't have such a strong marriage and Tommy didn't know what kind of wife I am.  And in the end, what was the the craziest and most un-nerving thing was just ......  HOW OUTLANDISH THE ACCUSATIONS WERE!!!!!!!

I really thought I could laugh at this.  Then I realized just how furious I really was.  I had done absolutely nothing but accept a family for who they were, what they believed, what their faults were and what their problems were... and  I was smacked in the face.  So much so that I felt it was necessary to talk to my two oldest children about it, because I worried about their safety.  That was how crazy things had gotten.

In the end, I am struggling to understand where things stand and how things will ever get fixed.  Apologies have been made but a line was seriously crossed and you really can not take things like that back.

So we are stuck were we are stuck.  And really, we are fine with that.  Because we have been honest with our kids about the things that have happened.  We have been honest with our kids about why things have changed and we have been honest with our kids about why some women are so insecure and make such horrible accusations.  We have learned from this and I am sure as I get farther away from the whole situation, it will all get better and one day, we will laugh about it. 

It will take some time, so for now, all I can hope for, is that my kids realize how much mom and dad love each other.  That, and how much working out is an awesome way to relieve stress and get a rocking body in the process!!!!!